Living Behind The Mask...

How often do many of us have to put on a mask each day for someone or something? Sometimes it’s with the people at the job, our friends, our family, someone who is depending on you, sometimes it’s all of the above. As a person who has been there and is currently there I can tell you…keeping that mask in place is a daunting, emotionally and mentally exhausting task. The biggest question would be what do you do when there is so much pressure placed on the mask that it cracks? Or better yet, when can we stop wearing the mask and with whom??

Let’s talk about that pressure for a minute-pressure can come in all forms, peer pressure, family pressure, job pressure, relationship pressure, society pressure, the pressure we put on ourselves... it’s crazy how we don’t realize how much stuff affects us usually until it’s too late. What if you are the person who everyone calls when they are having issues, and everyone depends on you, everyone wants you to take charge, everyone wants you to come to the rescue, pay for things, plan things, fix things, know things, do the right things, say the right things, be the right weight, be the right complexion, wear the right clothes and shoes, drive the right car, have the right job. This list can go on and on... I’ve always grown up as the good girl who pretty much did the right thing and took care of business, and while that is definitely a great thing, there have been times when I wish it wasn’t true because I just wanted everyone to leave me alone-I didn’t want to have to do the right thing or fix the problem or handle the business. I don’t always want to be the one to step up to the front-sometimes I just want to sit in the back. That’s not to say that I don’t have the drive or knowledge, sometimes I just don’t feel like being bothered or I may have other things I think are more important for myself or I may just think you need to know how to do something for yourself because you need to know how to do it- and that’s my prerogative.  Even the Olivia Pope’s of the world crash and burn sometimes and who is there to help pick up the pieces? What happens when the fixer gets broken?

 Let me just tell you that it is hard to deal with when you feel like everyone wants something from you and no one wants to give anything to you. How would you respond if the smiling mask slips and you see the tears behind it? Or the unfazed mask slips and you see the hurt behind it? Are you prepared to see the tired behind the make it happen mask? I think everyone is searching for that someone who requires them to take the mask off and just be who they are-and then have that person love them just as much if not more than they did the mask. We always say we want people to “keep it real” while out the other side our mouth say “fake it til you make it”-in case you didn’t know, those two things can’t exist concurrently. We each need to decide who we are going to be and with whom we are going to be that person. But from mask to mask I can tell you-wearing that mask is a lot harder than not, so the choice is up to you-are you really showing you or the mask of what you want people to think is you??

Twitter: @FromMySoapBox 

**Throwback** Doing Just Fine...

So occasionally I will throw in some of my old blog posts for those who are new to following me and just because I think they are still relevant or "Classics" if you will. These will all be titled *Throwback*and the one below is one of my first ever Blog entries to a previous account and my 2nd *Throwback*....

In case you are wondering why I often have songs that go along with my entries, I am a musical person, and most of the time I actually pay attention to the words in the song as well as the beats. It just so happens that sometimes there are songs that I remember that say just the right words to go along with the topic, think of it as a bonus for you J if you want, I’ll sing ‘em for you….ahem…me-me-me-me-meeeeee….kidding, you already get these entries for free (for now), you can’t get the songs for free too…

Now, what you’ve all been waiting for. Again I have had a friend give me a topic of discussion for my diary, Questions actually, and funny enough, it is something that I have been thinking about myself for a while, especially when I was going through it. What are the Questions?? Thought you’d never ask…

*What is it about love that won’t let you leave, when you know it’s time to go?

*Do we hold onto the past only to prevent ourselves from hurting in the future?

How many times have we asked ourselves these questions? Everyone has had a person in their lives that they knew was not going to be or give them what they wanted, yet we tried or are still trying to hold on to yesterday, create the fantasy that we want them to be in our own minds, many times we even pass up people who are probably what we are looking for or we pass over people who are better for us in an effort to try to catch the wind. Love is a powerful thing. Often times it makes us do things we never thought we’d do. Even domestic abuse victims believe it’s still about the love (But I love him, I can’t leave him, I can’t put him in jail, he didn’t mean it). Maybe we should define Love, according to the Encarta dictionary, Love is: A very strong affection; passionate attraction and desire; strong liking; something eliciting enthusiasm; feel tender affection for. Do we really feel these things when we say we are in love, or when we say we love someone? Are we even close? So when we try to hold on to someone that doesn’t want to be held are we really feeling the affects of Love or are we running from the rejection or the failure of the relationship?? (Ah-ha!!) One of the most ridiculous things in my mind is people who break up with the same person numerous times. Why would you get back with a person who has consistently broken your heart, or disrespected you, or dogged you out, or doesn’t want the same things in a relationship you want, or doesn’t want to commit, or who isn’t responsible?? Since I have been accused of bashing the guys, I want to reiterate my stance that these types of things can go both ways, I know some really good dudes who either stay with or continuously go back to some trifling chicks for reasons I will never understand.  Why must you all get back together and break up 6 times?? LET IT GO!! I’ve had my heart broken, and it was not a good feeling, so I am doing everything in my power not to put myself in a position where it is likely to happen again. That meant that at some point I had to stop trying to fix something that wasn’t broke but that just didn’t fit. We grow UP, sometimes we grow APART, part of being a GROWN-UP is knowing when to lookout for self. Sometimes we have to be selfish, sometimes we have to come first. It’s not always about the other person. That is not to say that it is now free reign to become cold, heartless, unfeeling, self-centered jackasses, and unfortunately I have had to tell a guy that he was that before. What this is is a call to our lost brothers and sisters who would rather sacrifice their own happiness for someone else’s. We need to believe that life does go on after a relationship; all that glitters is not gold. We may love a person to death but do they love us?? There has to be a reason why relationships fall apart, and sometimes it can’t be put back together, therefore we have to let it be. If your car gets totaled do you still try to drive it? If you drop food in the trash do you still try to eat it? Why continue to go backwards? You can never go forward if you are always looking back. Sometimes what hurts you can be your blessing, it can teach you what you want and don’t want in a partner, it can show you what you don’t want to deal with in a future relationship; it can open the door for a better mate to come in and be the person made for you. Don’t miss your future because you can’t get out of your past, because in the end, all you’ll have is memories, and trust me, even by yourself, you’ll do just fine.  

Doing Just Fine- Boyz II Men (From the Album Evolution)

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and I'd break right down and cry
Now you say that you've made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
'Cause it may seem hard to believe
But
Chorus:
I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave me love to only you
Anything you'd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather
And told me that you had to journey on
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone
Now you say you never meant to play your games
Girl, don't you know it's far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have a heart

Chorus

When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were times at night I couldn't sleep
My heart was much to weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
And pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You're no longer my world

And I ain't missin' you at all
Chorus