Listen. Plan. Execute.

THIS. RIGHT. HERE…!!! ↑

Between the screenshots I have run across recently that are shown above and the title of this post, I’m giving you a few freebie notes that folks (*ahem, cough* guys) may want to take advantage of, consider it my way of putting some goodness out into the universe on women everywhere…I’m just saying….

I was having a conversation with one of my close male friends a few months ago and somehow we got on the conversation of our 2 love lives (whatever state they were in at the time). I mentioned that for me when it comes to dating, my expectations are simple-I want the man to LISTEN, I want the man to PLAN and I want him to EXECUTE-of course me being the type of person I am I just shortened it to Listen, Plan, Execute (Catchy right?). Shouldn’t be too hard to comprehend and put in motion right? Sheesh-you’d be surprised.

Listen:

Now I don’t know about y’all but last time I checked you couldn’t really “listen” to someone via text. Sure you may be able to pick up on a few cues, but as far as I know, unless I use some overt emoji or long winded typed explanation as to why I’m saying what I’m saying, you really can’t tell my passion or feelings or whether or not the topic makes me happy or sad or angry or anything else about what’s going on via text-feel free to dispute me…Anybody? Is there one? Moving on. With all this being said – PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE AND CALL A PERSON. Whew, glad I got that off my chest early! I’ve said it before in previous posts and I’ll say it again-I am not a fan of texting. I think it’s fine for short little cute messages like Good Morning, Thinking about you, On my way, Hey boo, or even little pictures or quotes or the like-that’s cool. But please don’t think our only form of communication should be a text-if we get to that point then I got 2 feet out the door cause that means we actually can’t sustain a real conversation and nothing turns me on more than a good, quality conversation on a myriad of topics with a fine man. Oh- and a sense of humor, and a man who knows how to dress, and a man who smells good, and a man who knows how to handle business, and a man who treats me well and likes to travel and loves sports and his momma….okay a lot of things turn me on but I digress. If you TALK to someone long enough you will start to hear things that will give you clues as to what they like and don’t like. The more you listen the more stuff you’ll have to pull from when it’s time to impress the person you are with. For example, the main theme a person that actually LISTENS to me would hear is that I am a HUGE romantic. If a guy can’t pick up on that-he CLEARLY isn’t paying me the least bit of attention-verbally or non-verbally.  

Plan:

I admit, by nature I have what some people see as a great asset and what others may see as a character flaw-I am a planner. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely a laid back, go with the flow type of girl and can be as spontaneous as the next chick but I got to tell you-I get a little OCD and start to get the shakes when a person doesn’t have a plan-I mean like no plan whatsoever. Please for the love of God don’t say to me “whatever you want to do”, or “I don’t know” or heaven forbid, “I didn’t really think about it” (YIKES-I may just spontaneously combust on the spot!)…I’m working on it, and I try not to take over but listen, if you don’t have at least half of the plan set before the date/event/trip/outing/whatever starts I’m gonna have a serious side eye-whether I let a person see it or not. Honestly, I know today, Tuesday the 8^th what I’m doing next Saturday the 19^th. Is there room to make changes and adjust my plans? Of course, but do I basically know where I will be and what I will be doing then? Yup. Fellas-please, please, please, PLAN SOMETHING. In my line of work I always have to be on top of things. I have to lead people, projects, timelines, budgets, etc. Sometimes I just want someone else to take care of it. I don’t want to have to find stuff, buy stuff, plan stuff, reserve stuff, look up stuff or make all the decisions. I’m totally okay with following your lead (as long as it doesn’t put my life and well-being in danger). How can I look at a guy seriously as a potential husband and head of household if he can’t even head up a date? I’m just supposed to aimlessly follow you down this road to nowhere? That’s setting both of us up for failure. Plus if you did what I said in step 1 and listen to what I like, then if what you plan is in line with my interests you will earn serious bonus points-because that means you actually put in some effort and effort + attention = interest.

Execute:

After doing all of that, all you have to do is execute. Why waste all that time and effort if you don’t follow through? Whether it’s something big or small it’s all about the execution. I would give you the same props for pulling off a flawless picnic in the living room in front of a fireplace as I would you planning a night out on the town-JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. All women want to be dated, treated like a Queen and made to feel special. We want to feel like we are a priority, like we are important to you, like you are serious about what your intentions are. That means we are watching all your actions- what you do and what you DON’T do. If I say I love to travel more than anything and you never plan a trip-not even a short close one (if we are serious) - then what do you think I’m thinking? If I say I’m a quality time kind of girl and we never spend any time together how long do you think that’s gonna last? Execution is about more than just dates, it’s about overall presence, thought and effort. Execute on your feelings, execute on the things I say, execute on what you want us to become-see it through or leave it alone. Period.

As always, I can’t speak for everyone but I think many would agree that Listen, Plan, Execute is a pretty good idea. Try it out and see for yourself (you too ladies)-I’ll send you my billJ.

Peace. 

Twitter: @Frommysoapbox 

Lesson Learned-Love Is A Two Way Street

So I’ve gotten my feelings hurt and my heart pierced (not quite broken)-AGAIN. For the life of me I can’t understand why a person’s love and their all isn’t good enough for some folks. Honestly, I probably should have seen it coming but you know what they say-hindsight is 20/20 and when your heart, emotions and feelings are involved it can sometimes blind you to the truth. I have a gift and curse of being a dreamer-wanting to see the best in people and situations. Believing that things can be whatever we want them to be...but sometimes my business minded, logical side has to ring the bell and in the “School Daze” Laurence Fishburne voice say “WAKE UP”! I mean we can love someone all day, but if that love is not returned it really doesn’t mean anything. There is nothing more tiring then giving and giving, always compromising, making sure the other person is satisfied (even if they don’t do the same for you), always extending the hand or reaching out, always trying to prove your feelings (even subconsciously), especially if the person on the other end really doesn’t want it. Sure they may say they do but I think we’re all old enough to know that ACTIONS speak a hell of a lot louder than WORDS. Honestly, they may not even know they don’t want it and then you both are in trouble. The saddest part is I can’t turn my feelings on and off like a light switch and we did have a lot of good times together (that part I miss) so I’m just stuck with dealing with the disappointment until it fades away like a mist (when exactly does THAT happen ?!?!). I have never been one to base my life and decisions on what other folks think and I’m just glad none of the friends who weren’t feeling old boy in the first place (and made no bones about that fact) ever said “I told you so”.  Now before I go any further, let me clarify that this same type of scenario could hold true in any type of relationship-friendship, business, family, etc. There has to be some type of mutually beneficial exchange for both people in order for it to be successful- I’m just speaking male/female right now.

I could be bitter, but that’s not my style-I’ll take it as a lesson learned and purge my feelings in this blog post and through music (see the song this post is based on at the bottom).

Love, real love, is a two way street, where BOTH people are willing to put in the time and effort it takes to make it work no matter what obstacles may come up. The sacrifices needed where “I” becomes “us” and “me” becomes “we”. Where one person doesn’t think that their needs take precedence over the other. Where each person is willing to do something they may not want to do in order to make the other person happy. Love is unselfish, it’s pure, it’s all encompassing, it’s doing what you say you are going to do, love just IS. I now know that I loved but I wasn’t loved and that’s okay-it hurts but it’s okay, it’s a lesson and it will help me be better in the future.  Even Teddy Pendergrass said that “it’s so good loving somebody, when somebody loves you back….talkin ‘bout a 50/50 love”.

Another reason I can’t be bitter-I can see. I see God’s love for me and all of us every day. I see actual long-lasting, healthy relationships in people like the Bird’s, Doster’s, Okonkwo’s, Kitchen’s, Burch’s, Fulgham’s, Taylor’s and Jackson’s-these are family and friends who have been married 30-40 years, talk about doing what you have to do!

My younger family and friends like the Moore’s, Jackson’s (x 3 lol), Bird’s (Young one), King’s, Adams’s, Burley’s, Felder’s and Oglesby’s have proven that compromise works. That love, honor, respect and family have not fallen by the wayside. They show their love for each other outwardly and to the world and are not ashamed of it. They have expanded their families and raise them up in the love that they share so that they know what to look for when they get older. They have fun, they travel, they talk, they laugh, they give, they surprise, they share, they are friends first and they have each other’s backs. It's mutual admiration and longing, they don't want to go too long without seeing or talking to each other. They express their feelings openly-it's right. 

Lastly, I want to thank Yolanda, Mario, Natalie B and RaShawn for giving me hope that love still exists. Hope that it’s not too late and that just because one person didn’t recognize or accept what I was offering it doesn’t mean that someone else or someone better, won’t. RaShawn pulled out his romance gene (that’s almost on par with mine ;-) ) and recently got engaged in a fantastic way, Mario is an old boo who I am still super cool with who is getting married in May, Natalie is a homie from FAMU who is getting married this Summer and of course Yolanda is my BFF who I have the honor of standing up with in her wedding in August. This group proves that LOVE can overcome long distances, constant travel, previous relationships/children, past experiences, crazy work schedules, different backgrounds, hectic schedules, loss, disagreements and anything else that may come up and that is wonderful. Congrats to you all and here’s to a lifetime of peace, blessings and happiness.

Love is work, Love is powerful, Love is beautiful, Love is everlasting and hopefully, Love is for me…

Peace.

"Lesson Learned"
Alicia Keys (feat. John Mayer)

He broke my heart
And now it's raining
Just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy about it
You'll say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came 'round
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down

It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Sometimes
Some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already know you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore

I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down
If you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned