Mark 4:39 – And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said
unto the sea, Peace, be still. And
the wind ceased, and there was great calm.
2 Corinthians 13:11 – Finally, brethren, farewell. Be
perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love
and peace shall be with you.
I mentioned in my last couple posts that one of the key
things that I’m fervently praying for is peace. Total and unmitigated peace.
The peace that passes all understanding. Peace inside myself and around me
externally. I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding my hurts and smiling and
encouraging others-even when I’m totally struggling myself (see past post:
Living behind the mask). However, I’ve come to realize that I’m tired, and it’s
much harder to maintain peace for everyone else if I can’t even find it for
myself. And that my friends was my first step-acceptance.
I’m not perfect-far from it, but I had to be able to accept
that everything that happens is not my fault and be okay with that. I have to
be at peace with knowing that some things happen for a reason and to help us
grow and learn, no matter how much it may hurt us at the time. I have to know
that other people have to accept their own faults and issues and responsibility
for how they treat me and I can’t internalize and harbor that anger and hurt
because while they go on with their life, I’m left with the burden and
heaviness and tears of carrying that guilt. Guilt which is not mine to carry. Now
I will say I’m early in this peace game and I had my first test already that I
had to really step back from myself on. I mean it’s crazy to know that there
are people who will tell you they love you but apparently not really mean it
because you find out that they do the exact same thing they did years ago-go
back to a woman who they said they weren’t even in communication with anymore
and who did them wrong previously when I had never done them wrong at all. I
guess chicks who treat folks any old kind of way, bring drama and can’t give a
person all that they SAY they want get more chances and love then a woman who
genuinely loves and cares for them and can give them all that they want-who
knew? Now the old Stacey immediately wanted to react and reach out in a petty
way based on emotion-because I admit, I’ve been prone to do that in the past.
But after my normal I need a moment, calming, “can you believe this sh#t”, phone
call with my BFF, I took a minute to be hurt, woosahed the anger away, made
peace with the fact that I have finally gotten the answer to my “what if”
question from the past, realized nothing has really changed and sent my well
wishes, genuine hope for the best and good luck with that to him into the
atmosphere (cause we aren't talking). Peace is a helluva drug.
That picture above, yup that’s me☺. Earlier this month, I had
the pleasure to head on over to the Hawaiian Islands to relax, regroup and
watch one of my sorority sisters marry the love of her life. I also used it as the
launching point on my journey towards genuine overall peace. Listen, the way to
my heart is with a trip and if you really love me you will make sure that trip includes
some form of water lol. As long as I’m on it, in it, by it or near it I’m good!
Folks know I am a true water girl and as I floated in the Pacific looking up in
the blue sky, I begin to realize that like an addict, my first step in the
process would have to be my own acceptance of everything. The good, the bad and
the ugly-even if that means facing my own ugly truths, faults and mistakes. It was
almost as if one of the weights on my shoulder fell off right there-and I liked
that feeling.
By nature, I’m sensitive, a romantic softy and emotional-but
by life and experience I’m tough, independent and somewhat let things roll off
my back. That’s a strong dichotomy that seems to constantly be at war within
myself, but again it’s who I am and I have to accept that. But when you are searching
for peace, you have to find a balance of the 2 to try to deal with life in the
best way possible. I’m learning, but at least I’ve taken the first step.
Peace.
