The Hunt For Black Men...

I am angry, upset, outraged...Pissed! There is a war going on and unfortunately the hunted is none other than young black men. We keep having the same damn discussion-senseless killings of black men-whether it’s by ourselves or by those other people who feel that we don’t have the same rights to freedom and protection as others. Everyone wants us to do better, get better, achieve more, but when we do we are still hunted down in the streets like animals-and the worst part is that most of the time the people who do so get away with it. Unarmed men who “look suspicious” have to deal with shoot first, ask later and no one but us thinks it’s a problem! Amadou Diallo, Sean Bell, Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, Jonathan Ferrell-when will this madness end, When will stop being seen as a threat on sight, even when we are where we are supposed to be? I don’t have children currently, but I do have 3 black nephews and several young black boy cousins and it hurts me that in addition to telling them to do well in school, be chivalrous, respect their elders and authority and be respectful we now have to say: “Don’t walk through our nice neighborhood alone at night”, “Don’t wear a hoodie when it rains”, “Don’t listen to music at the level you want to”, “Don’t reach for your wallet”, “Don’t go outside the day of your wedding”, “Don’t stand in front of your own building”, “Don’t run to the police for help”. The President of the United States is a bi-racial man who is part African and still we can’t get any respect. He doesn’t get it, our kids don’t get it, our leaders don’t get it-I mean what the hell else do we need to do??

 You got people out here with degrees, jobs, families and no previous legal troubles just being dropped like stones from a mountain. We are not as far along as people like to think. A Black person in the U.S. still has to work twice as hard to prove that they belong wherever it is that they are-and I’m not talking about using affirmative action or quotas or anything else. There are plenty of people who worked hard, motivated themselves and had the skills and talents to succeed in their field and there are still people out here who want to question their credentials, success and authority. Just in my family and personal circle alone I have high ranking Military Officials, Doctors, Educators, Nurses, Lawyers, Entrepreneurs, Community Advocates, Managers, Chefs, Entertainers, Athletes…I could go on and I’m only 33. I’m sick of the notion that if I’m young and black I’m either stupid, uneducated, a criminal or a baby momma/daddy. Now, I am not naïve to the fact that those people exist but IT IS NOT EVERY BLACK PERSON! Plus, contrary to popular beliefs-WE DO NOT ALL LOOK ALIKE. We range from Midnight Black to Beige, Coffee to Banana-all just as beautiful and proud as the next.  Shoot, I'll take it a step further, 3 of my nieces and nephews are bi-racial, one of my best friends is bi-racial, my ex-boyfriend is bi-racial and NONE of them look like the other regardless to the fact that they are all mixed Black/White!  So many times you hear people say that a person “fit the description of a suspect”-well if the description is young, black, male then dammit so does my 7 year old little cousin-should he be brought in for questioning too? Let’s flip some scripts for a moment-say Trayvon is George and George is Trayvon in the situation-do any of you think for one moment that Trayvon would have left that scene without being arrested?? If you do, you are delusional. Try this one-if a white man knocked on someone’s door for help would the police be called? If he ran towards the police for help would they have shot a Taser OR a gun first without first seeing what the person wanted?? Nope.

*As an educational moment-recognize that more than 30 states have some type of stand your ground law including all but 1 state I have ever lived in and I have lived in 6…that ought to tell you something. *

People, we need to wake up, we need to stand up, we need to be outraged, we need to make an issue out of this and we need to keep going until we see a difference. These things have certainly made me take a step back and begin to research cases, stand your ground laws in my state and pay attention to little things in government and media more so than I admit I did before. Remember back in the 80’s/90’s when the black community was adamantly against the police-enough so that NWA put out a song called Fu*k Tha Police in 1988 and Public Enemy put out a song called 911 Is A Joke in 1990 (though that song was more about slow response times to black neighborhoods)-these types of things that have come back around in the 2000’s are the catalysts for those types of remarks and feelings. If the people who are supposed to protect and serve us are the ones killing us and turning a blind eye to injustice-who do we have to turn to? I have cops in my family but after seeing all that has been going on even I am a little leery of the boys in blue-at this point I may be more comfortable asking a brother passing on the street than an officer in his car the same distance away and that is a damn shame…

R.I.P to my fallen brothers/sisters and to my fellow FAMU Rattler Jonathan Ferrell-I hope one day we make enough of a change to make you proud. I shed silent tears for your injustice and innocence. I pray you were right with the Lord and are now in paradise…

Twitter: @Frommysoapbox 

.38 Hot....

So I had to think back a minute at how much violence is a part of our everyday lives. The title of this post is actually a phrase I learned my freshman year of college from my roommate who was from Miami. One day she say’s “Man, I was .38 hot!” I pause, look around and say “What?” (cause being from Michigan I know that 38 degrees is not hot so I needed some clarification lol). She proceeds to tell me that when you fire a gun the barrel gets very hot and as some folks occasionally will use the term hot in place of angry when describing how they are feeling, .38 hot was born as a slang term. Now I never got clarification on how 38 was chosen but I guess it sounded cooler than 22, 45 and 9MM hot…but that’s just my guess J 

So there has been a lot of talk in the news about the ridiculous amount of gun violence and overall general violence going on in cities like Chicago, Detroit, Miami, Los Angeles and pretty much any major city in the U.S., plus the stupid killings of children and innocent movie goers in Connecticut and Colorado. The sad part about all of this is the fact that none of this is new, the sadder part is that it is only now making major news because it affects the people that the news actually care about. How many years have the communities of the urban inner cities been dealing with major bouts of violence and no one so much as batted an eyelash? What really pisses me off even more at this time is the fact that we as an American society have allowed big business to take control of what we want to do in order to correct mistakes or at least slow down what everyone is finally realizing is a big issue. Are you freaking kidding me that we allowed the NRA and all of its money to make us vote down a bill that would ask for stricter laws to get a gun? You mean to tell me you are more concerned with my background in order for me to get a job and pay taxes then to get a gun? Come on now, that is just ridiculous.  Do you know that on the streets it is easier to get a gun than a library card? Does anyone care that nowadays people will reach for a gun more than they reach for a book? Taking it even more old school, what happened to fist fights to settle disputes? Has everyone turned into such a punk that we now just pull out a piece and shoot first and ask questions later as opposed to squaring up in a true battle if it comes to that?

My brothers and sisters, when are we going to stop allowing the gangs, fighters, hoodlums and everyone else to run our communities while we sit back shuddering and hiding because “Snitches get Stitches”? You are aware that if we stand up and say that we will not allow violence in our communities without there being repercussions that they will either move on or shut it down right? Think about the bully that picks on everyone until that one person stands up to him and whoops his a#$...makes him think twice about picking on someone else, destroys his credibility and no longer makes him the big bad wolf. I mean things have gotten so out of control we got YouTube videos out here of people fighting, jumping people, slapping people and whatever else and we pass it around for laughs and kicks instead of sending them to the Police and pressing charges, so that we will stop glorifying this mess and regain some control of these bad ass kids. It’s time to stop making excuses for kids who have no respect for elders and apparently no home training. I say we not only make the kids take responsibility for their actions regardless of their age, but their parents as well-these kids are learning these behaviors somewhere and I will put money on the fact that it’s from their own house. We see parents fighting at schools and sporting events when they are supposed to be setting examples. I know that had I gotten into a fight in school my momma would have kicked my behind when I got home. That’s not to say that she didn’t want me to protect and defend myself but I BETTER NOT be the instigator of the fight-that would’ve been all she wrote.

At the end of the day, I’m tired of seeing these news stories about young teenagers, babies, innocent bystanders and everyone else being shot in the middle of the street because everyone is out trying to prove their manhood or don’t want to work for their own things and want to take everyone else’s. We have to be able to come up with the next plan to take back our streets, take back our communities and take back ourselves. Hopefully we can all stand up and make a change to redirect our kids into going to college as opposed to prison. Even better, lets have all the people who want to walk around with a gun join the military-at least there they would be able to learn discipline and respect and become viable members of society.

#Bang 

Twitter: @FromMySoapBox 

Hating The Game...

I just wanted to pause in my thought provoking posts J to share something that may make you laugh or cry depending on how you look at it...I’ve been at both stages lol. Anyway, I think I am a magnet for random shenanigans. What makes me so mad about that is that one-I’m not being paid to at least have them be in a movie or something and two-I don’t send these shenanigan antics out into the Universe. I believe what goes around comes around so I’m a bit perturbed that I’m getting stuff I didn’t send around! We have all heard the adage-“Don’t hate the player, hate the game” and I admit I really, really hate the game. What game you say? The current dating game-why do I hate the game? Because it’s designed for good women/men who just want to be loved and cherished and hopefully one day married to fail. Let us first of all talk about the fact that it is called a “game” at all, at my age I don’t have time for games or people who want to play them. In fact I didn’t like or play games outside of a court or a house when I was younger so why do so now?  Now my brothers all like to tease me because I don’t bring dudes around them really and some of them say I’m too hard or picky or whatever but I just think it’s not kosher to introduce folks you aren’t really deep into something with to the family (especially since all 4 of my brothers are crazy as he%@).

Let me enlighten you to my last year or so of experiences (I swear I need my own show and I am not making this stuff up) and you can tell me if I’m not justified in hating the game. Let’s see…there was one guy who in the very first conversation said that it had been a minute since he pleased a woman and felt that it was about time to do so and if I wasn’t up for it I could introduce him to one of my friends-hang up immediately on that one. There was another guy who came at me strong and told me he would teach me something and then just fell off communication wise (quickly I may add), never followed through or lived up to what he put out there (we still talk occasionally and I knew based on some information I learned in those early conversations that it was not going to be serious but sheesh, if you say you are gonna do something then do it) -he was off the list quickly. Then there was the dude who came back from the past who also came super strong who was great at showing interest and calling, texting, etc. but not really ambitious for what he wanted in life, talked about sex ALL THE TIME (though he had already been told he wasn’t getting it) and extremely terrible at being able to plan and execute a date-even though in conversation I basically gave him a roadmap into what I would be interested in-he was also out of there.  There was another dude who I feel didn’t like the fact that I was a city girl and he a country boy and in turn did something I had previously told him I hated and that was for someone to disappear without warning-I’m grown enough to take something not working but what I cannot respect is a person who can’t tell you what the deal is-Another one bites the dust. There was also the dude who came hard about wanting to just take me out to have a good time or meeting up to shoot the breeze who was bad about communication (still is as he pops up randomly every now and then with a call or a text) and never followed through-out of there. Then there is the dude I’m super cool with who I used to feel but poses a conundrum because I figured out a couple years ago he would never be the one for me because I didn’t like the way certain things were handled and as we are not equally yoked in what we want in life (especially around marriage/kids-which are non-negotiable for me in a long term relationship) but is overall a good guy and good to know however I think he wants me pretty much for sex (which he also was told wasn’t going to happen)-shaking my head at that one. There was also the dude who came at me trying to holler but then proceeded to try to auction block me (height, weight, BMI (I’m exaggerating on this one), send me some pics in random outfits, etc.)Then, he proceeds to try to sell me stuff, shows up for the first date late with no call, and for whatever reason seems to not be able to wrap his head around using the phone for actual phone calls but texts all the time (though I previously told him I pretty much hate texting-which means he doesn’t listen well or he doesn’t care-both a no no)..Not looking too good here either. Finally, we have a crème de la crème which was a cute lil dude who came at me in a lounge, who I started talking to until he very calmly and easily told me after several conversations he was MARRIED-Pause and blank stare..Clearly that wasn’t going to work out.  

As you can see I have at least a little reason for hating the game and I can only wonder at this point-is it me? What exactly am I doing to attract the BS? I do think that sometimes people take my niceness for a weakness which is the LAST thing someone should do, and my trying to spare folks feelings end up getting mine hurt or at the very least agitated. Since I’m not one to go chasing after guys and believe in “He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing” I’m trying to not take any of this stuff too seriously as I’m sure the right one for me will be all that I want and need and all this won’t matter but this is just getting ridiculous. At the end of the day, I know I am not the only one that these types of things happen to but it seems that everyone is just trying to get over and play a “game”. This makes it hard to discern the real from the fake and good guys from the bad ones-which all leads to half the time hating the player AND the game.

I give up...No Mas.
Peace. 

Living Behind The Mask...

How often do many of us have to put on a mask each day for someone or something? Sometimes it’s with the people at the job, our friends, our family, someone who is depending on you, sometimes it’s all of the above. As a person who has been there and is currently there I can tell you…keeping that mask in place is a daunting, emotionally and mentally exhausting task. The biggest question would be what do you do when there is so much pressure placed on the mask that it cracks? Or better yet, when can we stop wearing the mask and with whom??

Let’s talk about that pressure for a minute-pressure can come in all forms, peer pressure, family pressure, job pressure, relationship pressure, society pressure, the pressure we put on ourselves... it’s crazy how we don’t realize how much stuff affects us usually until it’s too late. What if you are the person who everyone calls when they are having issues, and everyone depends on you, everyone wants you to take charge, everyone wants you to come to the rescue, pay for things, plan things, fix things, know things, do the right things, say the right things, be the right weight, be the right complexion, wear the right clothes and shoes, drive the right car, have the right job. This list can go on and on... I’ve always grown up as the good girl who pretty much did the right thing and took care of business, and while that is definitely a great thing, there have been times when I wish it wasn’t true because I just wanted everyone to leave me alone-I didn’t want to have to do the right thing or fix the problem or handle the business. I don’t always want to be the one to step up to the front-sometimes I just want to sit in the back. That’s not to say that I don’t have the drive or knowledge, sometimes I just don’t feel like being bothered or I may have other things I think are more important for myself or I may just think you need to know how to do something for yourself because you need to know how to do it- and that’s my prerogative.  Even the Olivia Pope’s of the world crash and burn sometimes and who is there to help pick up the pieces? What happens when the fixer gets broken?

 Let me just tell you that it is hard to deal with when you feel like everyone wants something from you and no one wants to give anything to you. How would you respond if the smiling mask slips and you see the tears behind it? Or the unfazed mask slips and you see the hurt behind it? Are you prepared to see the tired behind the make it happen mask? I think everyone is searching for that someone who requires them to take the mask off and just be who they are-and then have that person love them just as much if not more than they did the mask. We always say we want people to “keep it real” while out the other side our mouth say “fake it til you make it”-in case you didn’t know, those two things can’t exist concurrently. We each need to decide who we are going to be and with whom we are going to be that person. But from mask to mask I can tell you-wearing that mask is a lot harder than not, so the choice is up to you-are you really showing you or the mask of what you want people to think is you??

Twitter: @FromMySoapBox 

**Throwback** Doing Just Fine...

So occasionally I will throw in some of my old blog posts for those who are new to following me and just because I think they are still relevant or "Classics" if you will. These will all be titled *Throwback*and the one below is one of my first ever Blog entries to a previous account and my 2nd *Throwback*....

In case you are wondering why I often have songs that go along with my entries, I am a musical person, and most of the time I actually pay attention to the words in the song as well as the beats. It just so happens that sometimes there are songs that I remember that say just the right words to go along with the topic, think of it as a bonus for you J if you want, I’ll sing ‘em for you….ahem…me-me-me-me-meeeeee….kidding, you already get these entries for free (for now), you can’t get the songs for free too…

Now, what you’ve all been waiting for. Again I have had a friend give me a topic of discussion for my diary, Questions actually, and funny enough, it is something that I have been thinking about myself for a while, especially when I was going through it. What are the Questions?? Thought you’d never ask…

*What is it about love that won’t let you leave, when you know it’s time to go?

*Do we hold onto the past only to prevent ourselves from hurting in the future?

How many times have we asked ourselves these questions? Everyone has had a person in their lives that they knew was not going to be or give them what they wanted, yet we tried or are still trying to hold on to yesterday, create the fantasy that we want them to be in our own minds, many times we even pass up people who are probably what we are looking for or we pass over people who are better for us in an effort to try to catch the wind. Love is a powerful thing. Often times it makes us do things we never thought we’d do. Even domestic abuse victims believe it’s still about the love (But I love him, I can’t leave him, I can’t put him in jail, he didn’t mean it). Maybe we should define Love, according to the Encarta dictionary, Love is: A very strong affection; passionate attraction and desire; strong liking; something eliciting enthusiasm; feel tender affection for. Do we really feel these things when we say we are in love, or when we say we love someone? Are we even close? So when we try to hold on to someone that doesn’t want to be held are we really feeling the affects of Love or are we running from the rejection or the failure of the relationship?? (Ah-ha!!) One of the most ridiculous things in my mind is people who break up with the same person numerous times. Why would you get back with a person who has consistently broken your heart, or disrespected you, or dogged you out, or doesn’t want the same things in a relationship you want, or doesn’t want to commit, or who isn’t responsible?? Since I have been accused of bashing the guys, I want to reiterate my stance that these types of things can go both ways, I know some really good dudes who either stay with or continuously go back to some trifling chicks for reasons I will never understand.  Why must you all get back together and break up 6 times?? LET IT GO!! I’ve had my heart broken, and it was not a good feeling, so I am doing everything in my power not to put myself in a position where it is likely to happen again. That meant that at some point I had to stop trying to fix something that wasn’t broke but that just didn’t fit. We grow UP, sometimes we grow APART, part of being a GROWN-UP is knowing when to lookout for self. Sometimes we have to be selfish, sometimes we have to come first. It’s not always about the other person. That is not to say that it is now free reign to become cold, heartless, unfeeling, self-centered jackasses, and unfortunately I have had to tell a guy that he was that before. What this is is a call to our lost brothers and sisters who would rather sacrifice their own happiness for someone else’s. We need to believe that life does go on after a relationship; all that glitters is not gold. We may love a person to death but do they love us?? There has to be a reason why relationships fall apart, and sometimes it can’t be put back together, therefore we have to let it be. If your car gets totaled do you still try to drive it? If you drop food in the trash do you still try to eat it? Why continue to go backwards? You can never go forward if you are always looking back. Sometimes what hurts you can be your blessing, it can teach you what you want and don’t want in a partner, it can show you what you don’t want to deal with in a future relationship; it can open the door for a better mate to come in and be the person made for you. Don’t miss your future because you can’t get out of your past, because in the end, all you’ll have is memories, and trust me, even by yourself, you’ll do just fine.  

Doing Just Fine- Boyz II Men (From the Album Evolution)

There was a time when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to have to go out
And see you walking by
One look and I'd break right down and cry
Now you say that you've made a big mistake
Never meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
'Cause it may seem hard to believe
But
Chorus:
I'm doin' just fine
Getting along very well
Without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
I'm doin' just fine
Time made me stronger
You're no longer on my mind

You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave me love to only you
Anything you'd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather
And told me that you had to journey on
A kiss in the wind and your love was gone
Now you say you never meant to play your games
Girl, don't you know it's far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have a heart

Chorus

When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were times at night I couldn't sleep
My heart was much to weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
And pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You're no longer my world

And I ain't missin' you at all
Chorus