Just
so you have a background for where I'm going with this post-there are
3 things that I keep taped to my bathroom mirror at all times:
-Can't
Force Them To See That You're Worth It...But You Are
-Habbakuk
2:3 For
the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and
will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will
certainly come and will not delay.
-The
Poem “Don't Quit” that was laminated and given to me and my sands
when we were on line by my Big Sister and Spec Ligaya (See-I still
use it 8 years later Big Sis :))
I
was inspired to write again because I have been on an emotional
roller coaster the last 11 months that has me so close to the edge
I'm afraid I will fall over. I have to tell you, never in the grand
plan that I had in my head for my life did the terms “Layoff or
Unemployed” ever come up, and as a 34 year old, independent, 2
degree having, good credit carrying, compassionate, loving, friendly,
talented, versatile person I'm having a distinct issue dealing with
exactly where my life is right now. I usually keep things like to
myself because I just don't think everyone needs to know my business
but maybe this mode- which is my normal release will help me in
coming to terms with life as I currently know it. Here was my simple
grand master plan that I laid out for myself as an 18 yr old and
never really wavered from wanting:
- MBA by 23 (happened at 24 but Check!)
- Married by 25 (uhhh...still single..not even a definitive prospect right now smh...)
- First kid by 27, last one (up to 4) by 32 (Do nieces & nephews count? Cause this is a big no as well sadly...)
- A career that I love as the female version of the great Marketing Guru Marcus Graham from Boomerang (yes, that is one of my favorite movies and I was and kind of still am dead set on that job-didn't get where I should have been with this no matter how hard I tried and am currently unemployed which makes it worse)
- A big house to raise my family in that can hold all the entertaining I like to do (still no home ownership in my repertoire-not even a condo-because I keep moving-which I'm tired of doing-especially since NOW I am unemployed after all the moving for WORK!)
- Traveling the world with my husband by 50 (Luckily I still have a chance with this but not with all the children out of the house like I initially planned)
That's
it, not a lot of fluff and stuff, not a lot of selfish famous/lottery
winning grandeur, just a career, a home and a family-so you can see
why I'm a bit disheartened that in what can be summed up as 5 key
points of life I'm at 20% completion...and it's driving me crazy. You
know what they say, the best way to make God laugh is to make
plans-well apparently he is having plenty of giggles up in heaven at
me...
I
say all that to lead me into the title. I have pretty much spent my
entire life trying to prove to everyone that I'm worth
it-educationally, professionally, personally, socially..and I gotta
tell you, it is positively tiring. A recent conversation I had with
my mother had me truly admitting a long standing feeling that I try
to keep under wraps-I feel like a failure. No one has called me one
and the few I have told have told me in no uncertain terms that I'm
not a failure but I really feel like it right now. Bad I know-now I'm
just trying to figure out how to get past it. For those who may not
know, I grew up in a single parent home and I was and still am
affected by the fact that my Father had PLENTY of opportunity (put it
like this, I was around his side of the family and his younger
brother had me so much as a baby/kid folks thought I was Uncle Ray's)
to be active in my life and CHOSE not to be-until recently..as in,
the last 6-7 years (remember I'm 34 so by the time he started, all
the work and/or damage had been done) and from a mental standpoint,
that can really eff you up. I mean, if the man who is supposed to
support, care for and love me first and moreso than any other man on
this earth didn't feel like I was worth the time, money and effort it
took to step up and be there what would make me think someone else
would? I was blessed to have a VERY strong, God-fearing and
supportive Mother who has instilled a sense of confidence, pride, independence and self-worth in me that helps me cope with that and
know that I am in fact worth it.
However,
on the flip side-it causes me to pretty much stand firm on not taking
any shit (sorry mom) from another dude. Hence, “Can't Force Them To
See That You're Worth It...But You Are” I know that I AM WORTH the
mutual quality time, effort to plan a date, money, respect, feelings,
partnership and whatever else it takes for a guy to be with me and
I'm confident enough in myself to walk away if our
association/friendship/relationship is not mutually beneficial. Maybe
that's why I'm still single, but I respect myself enough not to just
take anything-especially since what I ask for I'm actually willing to
give in return. I often get tired of having to deal with people who
are selfish and only care about what they want and when and how they
want it. Why is it so hard for folks to follow through, compromise
and do what they say they are gonna do? If you tell me you are gonna
call in the morning-then call in the morning or at least shoot me a
note to update me if that's not possible. If you say you are gonna do
something-then do it, not gloss over it later when you HAVEN'T done
it. Trust me folks, that type of stuff is annoying and will get on
folks nerves quick and if your positives don't outweigh these
negatives then it's probably the deuces being chucked...because I'm
worth it whether you recognize and acknowledge it or not.
I
know that I AM WORTH the great jobs and positions, the promotions,
the salary and everything else I'm looking for in terms of a
career-even if it's not going the way I want it right now. But,
currently this is probably my biggest personal issue because
unfortunately with all my emotions being out of whack (because
everything just seems so to be all happening at once)-every rejection
I get from all these applications and interviews I have been doing
takes me back to the rejection feeling I had daily growing up without
my Father and some days it just erases every feeling of self worth I
had gained after my adolescent years til now. It's hard to explain to
someone who may have never been there, but imagine hearing everyday
that you are not good enough for what you want -(whatever that may
be) consistently for 10 months...everyday. Yeah, that's where I am.
I
AM WORTH all that I want in life and though I may struggle with what
I don't currently have, I do have the faith to know that things will
work out for my good and that what I DO have is a tremendous amount
of talent, versatility, imagination and drive. I DO have a group of
family, friends and sorors who are willing to help out even without
me asking. What I DO have is a giving heart, a natural ability to
help others, compassion, an abundance of love to give and a romantic
nature (for my future boo ;-)). What I DO have is a mind full of
dreams and a desire to see them come true.
While
you can't force someone to love you, like you, help you, want you or
see that you are worth it-as long as you do those things for yourself
and know without a doubt that you are worth it then everything else
should be fine...
Can't
Force Them To See That You're Worth It...But You Are!
Great article as always! Maybe you're calling isn't in marketing... 😉
ReplyDeleteKeep ya head up. I'll be praying for you friend!
I can only imagine how tough this time is for you. Have you considered that maybe your being stripped of "things" because who you are and what your worth is not defined by those. You had a significant impact on my life just by the wonderful person you are.
ReplyDeleteStace,
ReplyDeleteWow, that post was deep and I'm sorry to hear that the job situation hasn't improved for you yet. As far as relationships, one thing I've learned over the years in dating and in marriage is that we tend to have lists of qualities that we look for in other people but it all starts within. I was fortunate enough to grow up w/ both parents in the house and they had a very good relationship. They were friends first, and that's what I said I always wanted. It's funny that now when people see me and my wife out they say the same thing to me, that we seem like we're always having a good time together and we enjoy each other's company. That was always my goal, to have a relationship like my parents. You didn't grow up w/ a father, so you know you need dependability, reliability and a guy that will stick around in good and bad times, and that's a start. A lot of women look to check the boxes on their list as far as job, house, ambition, etc. Look for guys w/ good backgrounds, even if they didn't have a dad in the house, find out if they had good guys/men around them growing up. A lot of times as a man you model yourself after men that you admire and look up to and most guys that have had that tend to replicate what they saw as successful relationships with those men and their wives/significant others. That's what you want, you don't want a guy that you have to re-raise or try to overcome decades of bad habits.
As far as the job situation, it sounds like you have an idea about what you want to do, marketing. I wouldn't give up on that but I would take a different approach. i told you my story. I interviewed 4 times for 4 different jobs w/ my company and it took the 4th time and me just telling myself that come hell or high water I was going to get this job. I went above and beyond a traditional interview. I had specific stories to tell about previous jobs and experiences that I felt made me a good candidate for the job. I talked about my passion for the company and that I've always wanted to work there. I brought a 30,60,90 day plan with me with specific details about what I would do in my first 3 months to be successful in the job. In other words, I came to the interview with a plan and I acted like I already had the job. After the interview one of the hiring managers told me in the elevator going down that I was the ONLY candidate to bring a 30,60,90 to the interview. He told me on the way out that I got the job. i think that needs to be your approach. I have always targeted companies that had products I was passionate about instead of just sending resumes to whoever would take it. I've found that I had more success in interviews and subsequent job offers with companies that I was passionate about b/c I knew their product, I knew the company and I knew how I could contribute. I think that you need to take the same approach. Pick 10 dream companies that you would like to work for. Research those companies. Friend them on Linkedin. Look up other employees that work there in the dept that you want to work in and send them an InMail. Ask for 10-15 minutes of their time and see if they would entertain an informational interview for you to get a better idea about what they do. You never know, they may know of internal opportunities that would never make it to the internet job board. Most people hired within my group were referals, those jobs never made it to the official job board and even if they did, the job was pretty much already filled by the time it did make it. This day and age sending resumes into cyberspace is dead. It's all social, it's who you know, who knows you and who's willing to promote you within. I think if you step outside the box a little bit and do what other people don't think to do or aren't willing to do you'll see success. Take a look at that article I sent you a few weeks ago, he's saying the same thing.
Good Luck.
Thanks everyone!
ReplyDeleteKrystal, I appreciate your thoughts, prayers and your support (as always :))
Mario-Man have we had our ups and downs since 2000 but I am touched deeply by your statement and I want to Thank You for it-I know we've joked about your guardian angel statement over the years but I always smile when I think of it now...I appreciate you and our relationship
Chris- Dude, you are deep too man :) I read the article you sent me a couple weeks ago about 3 times when you sent it..and I'd already incorporated some of the out of the box things that both you and the article had mentioned (even stuff I don't like to do) and the fact that even that hasn't worked is what is a big frustration but I will keep pressing on until change happens. I appreciate your insight and your friendship over all these years- we picked up from when you left FAM and I was living all over the place without a beat :) I appreciate you
Hey sands,
ReplyDeleteLet me start by saying that you are not a failure. God doesn't make failures nor does he make mistakes. Add Jeremiah 29:11 to your mirror. You are worth it! One thing when I read your blog I say a lot of I ... I I I .... I had to realize to that it isn't anything I've done or accomplished. Because of him I am!
So start by giving him credit in everything I'm sure you do know that the favor of God is the reason so many doors opened in your life but verbalize it every chance you get.
Also the rejection from your father ... I can't relate, but I do know you have to give that to God too he can heal your hurt. I read the blog and heard the hurt in your voice. I'm sorry you've been going through this, but know this .... When your in the valley of decision and the adversary says give in hold on The Lord will show up and take you through the fire again!
I love you and will be praying for you.
Good article Stac. Stay positive God has a plan for all of us we just don't always know it or understand it.
ReplyDeleteThat was heavy, stacey! I'm glad that your strength and optimism has keep you focused through adversity. "don't quit" is one of my all-time faves too:)hang in there soror!
ReplyDelete