I am Janay Rice…sort of….

This will be a different kind of entry this time, because as things have come up in my mind, small little hints and tidbits have been dropped in my lap-mostly from men, whether on social media or in person that say “wake up girl!!”so I’ve added them in here as they are relevant….

Let me start this whole thing off by saying that in no way shape or form have I ever been physically or mentally abused and definitely not knocked the hell out by a man (because I have crazy brothers, cousins, uncles and friends who wouldn’t hesitate to shut that down immediately)..BUT whether or not we want to admit it we all (male and female), at some point or another, have been Janay Rice. Someone who apparently loves hard and cares too much, someone who is quick to come to the rescue and defense of someone who is actually in the wrong (and we know they are wrong), Someone who cares more about a person then they obviously care about us, Someone who unselfishly puts others feelings before their own even when they shouldn’t. I dare you to say that you have never done any of the above...

Speaking from personal experience, there have been a few people throughout my life that didn’t treat me the way I wanted them to, nor the way I deserved and I let them linger around for much longer then I probably should have-again not in an abusive sense but definitely in an emotionally or mentally draining sense. Half the time, a friend or family member pointed out the nonsense that was happening –however, it’s not until we can determine for ourselves that we are fed up that we make a change, such is life. For example, I absolutely HATE being ignored…that’s a sure fire way to get on my bad side-it irks me to no end-especially by someone who claims to either love me, have feelings for me, or be my friend. If I text, call, email or smoke signal you, then text, call, email or smoke signal me back in a somewhat decent timeframe (not hours or days later), I mean really…Plus, I should not have to always be the one who initiates the contact-don’t be upset when I fall back and out because you don’t put in enough effort to match mine, I’m just saying. With all that being said, why have I in the past (and sadly, present for that matter) continued to entertain or even talk to people who don’t pay me the proper attention (male and female)-which to me means they don’t care or aren’t interested (but they say they do and are), even under the excuse and guise of it not being intentional or of them being “busy”? That is the million dollar question my friends and I am frantically working to correct whatever it is within myself that makes me cut some folks off immediately and hold on to others too long. These were put in my path (excuse the language on a couple-I didn’t make them!) as I have been wrestling with that very thing (even though I already know the truth…smh at myself…) and I’m ashamed that I have in these instances, been Janay Rice and let it go on. Also, let me reiterate, this is not just about male/female relationships, it crosses friendships, family relationships, even business associates.

Church....

Welp...

And there it is...!!!

How about when you are dealing with a person whom you care about (again on any level) but they are always selfish (another pet peeve of mine)! Have you just walked away at the first sign of selfishness or have you stuck it out-hoping and praying that they would change, that it would get better? Often times, many people who are in abusive relationships have this core belief-that it could change and get better, and before you know it days, months, years have passed by and you are still dealing with the same selfish person that they were on day 1-perhaps you get used to it, perhaps you overlook it, perhaps you make excuses for it-either way, hello Janay Rice. We can’t change the core of a person, no matter how good we are to them and it takes some of us longer to realize that then others but life is about choices and decisions-decisions that we can only make for ourselves on our own timing. People get mad if you don’t do what they think you should do when they think you should do it-but imagine how your life would be if you did everything that everyone else wanted you to do... I know I’d go crazy. Now let me say this-this in no way means that we should all ignore the thoughts, opinions and feelings of others. At the end of the day sometimes what someone is saying is with your best interest at heart or something that may help the situation or your relationship, and they may actually have experience to back it up-but sometimes they don’t know the full story and its’ up to you to decide if you want to tell them.

Truth..

I have to admit, when this story first broke I was so mad...I mean I couldn’t believe that this chick would stay with (and promptly marry) a dude who mollywhopped her in an elevator and made no attempt on the tape to even look remorseful. He basically treated her as if she was nothing-and she stayed. Apparently that isn’t her deal breaker-it’s mine, but she is who she is and I am me. I wondered where her Father, Brothers, Uncles, Cousins, Friends were-because they should have had her back and stepped in from the jump. Had it been me he wouldn’t have had to worry about the NFL suspending him, cause when the folks I know got done with him he wouldn’t have been able to play due to severe career ending injuries. As a sister in Christ and a Black woman, I can only pray for her safety, integrity and self-respect. I can only hope that she sees that she is valuable and worth more than what that tape shows. I hope that she never has to go through anything like that again, that no one ever makes her feel that she is so worthless that she has to take whatever is dished or left hooked her way. Once again, I am like Janay Rice, I pray for myself , that when situations like the examples I mentioned above happen I continue and/or get better at loving myself enough to know when enough is enough and when it’s time to not only walk away but sever ties completely-for my own self-respect. I’m not the girl who chases behind guys but I have clearly let more slide than I should have and had my niceness taken for a weakness and that sucks. I am woman enough to call my own BS when I see it and I can’t let my emotions cloud my judgment like I have in the past. I guess it’s the compassionate, sensitive, dreamer Pisces in me that makes me give folks chance after chance but even I get pushed to my limit (like I am now), I hope she finds hers.

In summary, Janay Rice is the Kettle and the majority of the folks talking about her are the Pots calling her Black-and that’s a shame.

She matters, I matter, You matter….

Peace.