Before I Do

You know for as much of a musical person that I am, somehow I have been sleeping on the girl Sevyn Streeter. However, she has a song out right now that has my complete attention, because she is singing about something that hits home for me in a big way. Her song “Before I Do” is basically about making sure a dude doesn’t have another girl or is over another girl before she moves further along in a relationship with him (because he is acting like he doesn’t and/or that he is over her). Man listen, that there is a serious statement and thought process. I know females and males alike have been in the position where they have wondered if the time was right for them to give their all to someone based on the other person’s feelings about a PAST relationship or person, or even about a person who was said to have been in the past. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been in this position with several folks in my past, even if they didn’t have a girlfriend at the time, I was fighting the “ghost” of a girl if they wanted to admit it or not and that is unwinnable and that sucks. Let me be clear here and say that this can go both ways, girls can do this to guys as well. If a person’s heart isn’t fully free then they need to stay by themselves until it is. It’s not fair to the next person coming in to have to compete, especially if they don’t even know they are competing. Feelings make us vulnerable and giving your all to someone to delve into love can be a scary trip-especially if you are unsure.

There are so many songs, poems, books, movies, stories, experiences, memories, etc. shared about lost love, too quick love, no love, real love, fake love, unrequited love, long lost love, true love, love period. I’m a romantic so you know I pay attention to all of them lol, but you know what- every other day I think I’m just about to the point where I’ve given up on love, as sad as it seems. I mean, just today I got an email with this article (God is the ultimate jokester) : http://www.essence.com/love/beware-10-mistakes-women-make-when-they-fall-love-too-fast 😒.

CHURCH! 

WORD! 

But then, as soon as I feel like it’s time to say forget love and become a nun or a hoe (hey I actually wrote a post about that a few years ago: To Hoe or Not To Hoe), I get phone CALLS (yes I said calls, because actually talking in person matters people and if anyone says different they are lying) from people who still make my heart start beating faster when I see their name on the screen, or spend quality time with someone who wants to be in my presence, or get taken out on a date by someone who cares about what I want to do or like a few weeks ago, get the best personal massage by a guy that I have ever had in my entire life (sheesh I’m still talking and thinking about that), or have guys offer to unselfishly give of themselves to make my day better, I've even had guys tell me not to marry anybody else because they would crash the wedding like in my favorite episode of A Different World, and I think- hey, maybe there is still hope for me yet- Because. Hopeless Romantic.

I’ve come to the realization that time, life and experiences are starting to make me jaded, and the once rose colored glasses, there is a love out there for everyone, and my prince charming will ride up on his white horse and sweep me off my feet mentality that I’ve lived with pretty much my entire life is fading fast. For a girl like me that is the death knell. But how many times will you burn your hand on the pan before you stop cooking? If no one appreciates what you offer and bring to the table or if they don’t provide the same amount of time and effort that you do, then what is the point? I don’t know too many people who will just stay in a situation that is not beneficial just for the sake of being in a situation, at least I won’t. I’m an all or nothing girl- you give me 100% or give me nothing at all.

So, as I stand on the precipice of throwing up my hands and waving the white flag of surrender of all that I dreamed in terms of love, I’m preparing my fly ensemble (cause y’all know I gotta be fly 😉) to head to my 3^rd and final wedding of the year tomorrow to genuinely celebrate another person that I am close to finding the love of their life. I’m always happy to see folks walk into their forever and can’t wait to raise a glass to the soon to be Jamiesons! In fact, thinking of all the love I have had the chance to witness and be a part of this year (weddings and new babies being born), maybe me and love aren’t actually through with each other just yet. We’ll have to wait and see.

Peace. 

Proximity Doesn’t Mean Destiny

You know there are some people in this world who absolutely don’t know how to be alone. I mean, it’s almost as if they are scared of what might happen if they take the time to reflect on themselves and just be. Running from one relationship to the next with no break in between, even running back to relationships that are not actually the best for them but because it would keep them from being alone or dare I say, lonely. I had a conversation the other day about the difference between being lonely and being alone. One might think that just because a person is alone they are lonely and that is not always the case- sometimes a person is alone because they need time to work things out for themselves, deal with issues and situations that they keep bottled up, or even get their minds right. Is that possible if a person never stops and takes the time to be alone for fear of being lonely??

I truly believe that just because a person is physically close to you, that doesn’t mean they are your destiny. Just because something is easy and convenient doesn’t make it the right choice. I have personal examples of people who had long term, long distance relationships that are now married with kids. However, there seems to be folks out there who upon having conversations, don’t know how to channel their emotions, feelings or thoughts past what they can actually see and I contest that those people lack the desire to put forth effort and communication to make things work. Because that would be too hard, and who actually wants to work in a relationship right?? Trust me, as a person who has dealt with several of these unwilling folks, long distance is work. What annoys me the most is that most of these folks know going in what the situation is and say they want it, but when it comes to maintaining it, they run. Man, that’s a whole ‘nother post-the runners. Folks who don’t know how to deal with, communicate or express their feelings like grown folks so they run. Run from pain, run from life, run from love, run from hard conversations, run from relationship to relationship, doesn’t matter what the situation is, they will run-because it’s in their nature to.  

Me being close in distance to someone doesn’t make them anymore great for me than an elephant standing next to a mouse. Just because you are touchable and close and convenient doesn’t mean you are right. Personally, some of my closest friends stay well outside of Atlanta but they would be the first ones I call if something goes down, because to me it is about the relationship and not the distance. It’s about being willing to go above and beyond to communicate and see them, because I think they are that important. I have lived in 8 cities in my life, met some really cool and interesting people, dated some interesting (and a few great) people and some not so great people, forged long lasting friendships and had some incredible experiences. I’ve been able to maintain a lot of these relationships (even the romantic kinds that didn’t work) because I am open to seeing what happens and putting in the work to make it happen and keep the relationship strong. Because I don’t believe that proximity means destiny, the person does.

I’m doing some different things in this post, cause you know a sista gotta keep y’all on your toes and entertained so I’m about to drop some bars for y’all. Hey I write poetry, dropping a flow shouldn’t be that hard 😊.

Proximity doesn’t mean destiny/How you gonna fulfill your dreams

When you got a person who can’t even help you get or stay free/

People calling the po-po whenever they hear a no-no/

Acting like they don’t understand that people are dropping like leaves/

whenever the police arrive on the scene/

a lot of people already acting like Eric Benet/

letting the baddest chicks get away/

for somebody who won’t even stay/

folks these days straight coming off wack/

wanna go the easy route cause they can’t handle the facts/

knowing that if they actually went to war they couldn’t stand the attack/

how’s that for clap back/

can’t be on my team if you not willing to pull your weight/

how in the world am I ever supposed to be great/

when you got people on the side always trying to hate/

and at the end of the day, none of this shit will ever dissipate/

you say I got what you looking for/

but when things get tough you wanna run for the door/

so selfish and caught up in yourself that you can’t even focus/

but at the end of the day you’ll look back and realize the fight would’ve been worth it/

the choices you make you gotta live with for eternity/

hope you realize exactly how long that’s gonna be/

and no matter how hard you try, you definitely gotta see/

that 1 on 1, chick can’t never be me/

everybody wants something til they gotta give it back/

then get mad cause you want them to carry the slack/

saying all the pretty words thinking that’s gonna make me come back/

but at the end, your game was never based on facts/

folks would rather argue and fuss with folks they can’t even trust/

instead of being with somebody who make the life be easy/

and makes the mentality of we, a must/

no sympathy for people who keep putting themselves in the mentality/

of continuing the cycle of insanity/

keep your business out the street and nobody will ever know/

all this posting on social media, that’s just for show/

understand that real change will always take time/

nowadays people will pick up a penny while dropping a dime/

life is hard enough for the sistas and brothas/

so why should we make it harder by not supporting one another/

if you the smartest person in the room you better change direction/

most folks don’t even wanna see their own reflection/

folks want immediate change but don’t want to put in the time/

everybody’s mentality is, I’m trying to get mine.

One of my friends posted an interesting post on Facebook the other day, she said what’s the pettiest breakup song? Which made me think of the last dude I talked to, who just honestly wasn’t emotionally ready for what I bring to the table and made the same dumb choice again in his actions that he had when we were younger (so does that mean folks don’t grow up? *shrug*). Anyway, I found it funny cause guys and girls were responding with some classics, and being the intensely musically inclined person that I am y’all know I had some input in this.  MY favorites?  Bitter by Chante Moore, Get Gone by Ideal, Used to Love you-by John Legend and I don’t f*ck with you- by Big Sean. But, for my last situationship, cause I don’t even know what to call that bullshit he ended up on, I would have to go with the big guns- Deuces remix by Chris Brown, Drake, Kanye, Andre 3000, TI, Fabolous and Rick Ross. In that song Kanye is Stacey, for his verse, just think that’s me rapping and change anything male to female, cause he saying what I wanna say with no deletions. Yeah, folks push you far enough, they’ll find out just how real you can get.  Enjoy my petty songs peeps 😉.

Deuces.