Before I Do

You know for as much of a musical person that I am, somehow I have been sleeping on the girl Sevyn Streeter. However, she has a song out right now that has my complete attention, because she is singing about something that hits home for me in a big way. Her song “Before I Do” is basically about making sure a dude doesn’t have another girl or is over another girl before she moves further along in a relationship with him (because he is acting like he doesn’t and/or that he is over her). Man listen, that there is a serious statement and thought process. I know females and males alike have been in the position where they have wondered if the time was right for them to give their all to someone based on the other person’s feelings about a PAST relationship or person, or even about a person who was said to have been in the past. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been in this position with several folks in my past, even if they didn’t have a girlfriend at the time, I was fighting the “ghost” of a girl if they wanted to admit it or not and that is unwinnable and that sucks. Let me be clear here and say that this can go both ways, girls can do this to guys as well. If a person’s heart isn’t fully free then they need to stay by themselves until it is. It’s not fair to the next person coming in to have to compete, especially if they don’t even know they are competing. Feelings make us vulnerable and giving your all to someone to delve into love can be a scary trip-especially if you are unsure.

There are so many songs, poems, books, movies, stories, experiences, memories, etc. shared about lost love, too quick love, no love, real love, fake love, unrequited love, long lost love, true love, love period. I’m a romantic so you know I pay attention to all of them lol, but you know what- every other day I think I’m just about to the point where I’ve given up on love, as sad as it seems. I mean, just today I got an email with this article (God is the ultimate jokester) : http://www.essence.com/love/beware-10-mistakes-women-make-when-they-fall-love-too-fast 😒.

CHURCH! 

WORD! 

But then, as soon as I feel like it’s time to say forget love and become a nun or a hoe (hey I actually wrote a post about that a few years ago: To Hoe or Not To Hoe), I get phone CALLS (yes I said calls, because actually talking in person matters people and if anyone says different they are lying) from people who still make my heart start beating faster when I see their name on the screen, or spend quality time with someone who wants to be in my presence, or get taken out on a date by someone who cares about what I want to do or like a few weeks ago, get the best personal massage by a guy that I have ever had in my entire life (sheesh I’m still talking and thinking about that), or have guys offer to unselfishly give of themselves to make my day better, I've even had guys tell me not to marry anybody else because they would crash the wedding like in my favorite episode of A Different World, and I think- hey, maybe there is still hope for me yet- Because. Hopeless Romantic.

I’ve come to the realization that time, life and experiences are starting to make me jaded, and the once rose colored glasses, there is a love out there for everyone, and my prince charming will ride up on his white horse and sweep me off my feet mentality that I’ve lived with pretty much my entire life is fading fast. For a girl like me that is the death knell. But how many times will you burn your hand on the pan before you stop cooking? If no one appreciates what you offer and bring to the table or if they don’t provide the same amount of time and effort that you do, then what is the point? I don’t know too many people who will just stay in a situation that is not beneficial just for the sake of being in a situation, at least I won’t. I’m an all or nothing girl- you give me 100% or give me nothing at all.

So, as I stand on the precipice of throwing up my hands and waving the white flag of surrender of all that I dreamed in terms of love, I’m preparing my fly ensemble (cause y’all know I gotta be fly 😉) to head to my 3^rd and final wedding of the year tomorrow to genuinely celebrate another person that I am close to finding the love of their life. I’m always happy to see folks walk into their forever and can’t wait to raise a glass to the soon to be Jamiesons! In fact, thinking of all the love I have had the chance to witness and be a part of this year (weddings and new babies being born), maybe me and love aren’t actually through with each other just yet. We’ll have to wait and see.

Peace.