Stacey vs Lil Flip /Watch What You Say To Me

You know, I really try hard to keep my cool and be a good person. It actually takes quite a bit to push me over my limit and take me out of my normal laid back, intelligent, logical character. HOWEVER, every now and then you have folks who want to habitually line step and test your gangsta. I usually can ignore it, but it’s happened a few times now so I feel the need to address it and break it down this ONE time and ONE time only, so that it will forever and consistently be broke (shout out to that Love Jones quote😉).

So for those that don’t know, T.I. is one of my all-time favorite rappers. I like his flow, his swag, his lyrics, and his versatility. Well back in 2007 he put out one my favorite albums of his – T.I. vs T.I.P. This was basically an album of his two personas battling it out, and that joint had a lot of bangas (including the song in the title of this post). I can relate greatly to not only the title of the album but also the song because folks tend to forget that people have different sides that can be triggered or tapped into in the right situations, and seem to act surprised when a person’s reaction is not what they are used to. For T.I. his rough persona is T.I.P – for me it’s Lil Flip. Most folks haven’t seen her, cause I keep her under wraps due to my genuinely sweet and kind nature. Nevertheless, be clear, just because I DO NOT pop off all the time, doesn’t mean I CAN’T or I WON’T. I don’t really do drama so keeping the peace is a choice. Now, if people want the drama, they can get it, and I don’t know if they gone like it when they do. They probably won’t like this, cause Lil Flip is the author of this blog.

 

Now I have mentioned before, how writing is my therapy to help me deal with emotions and situations, and how music helps to soothe and calm me as well as help express my feelings. I use this blog to help purge and contemplate things versus holding everything in (which could be dangerous on many fronts). Yet somehow, we got folks who either don’t fully read or comprehend well, who feel like they have the right to try and tell me when, how and what to feel and/or write in MY own motherf**king blog, because of how it makes THEM feel (hit dogs will holler), as if they have the right or dare I say level of priority in my life to do so. Let me say this – everyone who gets an email notification or happens upon or subscribes to my blog has the choice that God gave everyone to read it or not. No one is forcing anyone to read it, it’s not life or death, hell, nobody could be reading it and it could just be for my own growth. I have tried my level best not to mention any names in my blogs unless it’s about something good because I actually care about keeping certain things on the low and to protect those that may have done things that have caused me to write, from the disdain of others. Yes, I have cared enough to block people who have hurt or disappointed me from being directly addressed and talked about.  I’m starting to think I should have just said F it and started calling folks out. Then I realize that is not in my normal nature – lucky me.

 

So there is no confusion- let me say how this is going to go down. What you NOT gone do, is tell me what/how to feel about past or present situations. What you NOT gone do, is tell me what to write or not write about in my own damn blog. What you NOT gone do, is project your guilty ass conscience on me because you feel like you see yourself in the bullshit I’m talking about, even if it’s not directly about you (and even if it is about you, it ain’t a lie). What you NOT gone do is try to make me feel bad for actually taking a step in my healing because you won’t. What you NOT gone do is try and slow down my personal internal progress and/or try to ruin my day with some B.S. that may or may not have anything to do with me. PERIOD.

So, if you are one to be all in your sensitive ass feelings and be so narcissistic that you think everything that I write is about you – get the fuck on. If you think you gonna tell me what words or names or thoughts I can or can’t use in MY BLOG, get the fuck on. If you don’t know how to communicate well and ask questions about things you may not be sure about (and I have the right not to answer them) and assume things and wanna pop of every other minute, get the fuck on. If you have issues that you haven’t dealt with or that other people have put you through and you try and project them on to me for no good reason, GET. 👏THEE.👏 FUCK.👏 ON. I ain’t gone cry about it, and I’m also not going to take any more of the nonsense.

Here comes the moral of the story, in the words of T.I. and Ideal – “Watch what you say to me” and “Get Gone”. 

Now back to your regularly scheduled blogs with nice girl Stacey as the author…

Peace. 

In My Songs / My First Love?

It’s Throwback Thursday and I’m currently on my way to celebrate Homecoming on the highest of 7 hills in Tallahassee with my #FAMULY, so of course that got me to reminiscing. So 20 years ago, I graduated from high school and made my way to The Hill to begin my journey towards a career and being a better woman, daughter, sister, niece, student, friend, lover and overall person. This weekend, myself and others from the infamous freshman class of ’98 are coming together to celebrate our 20 year reunion of stepping foot on The Hill and man, did the memories start flooding back 😃.

Life is funny; it takes you on ups and downs, twists and turns, good times and bad. You meet and forget people, you love and you don’t, you meet lifelong friends and fall out with phonies. If you’ve been following my blog for a while - you should know by now that I am a BIG music lover. I use it as a calming mechanism and as a way to express my feelings. There are songs that take me back to certain people or times (more on that in a different post), and there are songs that take me to places that I want to be.  See when it comes to music, I do more than move to the beat. I actually listen to the words and feel what they are saying and how the music and vibe moves me. Well, Rene` and Angela (then remade by Avant and Keke Wyatt) and Anthony Hamilton, wrote songs about a first love. Those, along with my own thoughts, made me wonder if I had indeed had a first love or if I just WANTED who I thought was my first love to be my first love (that would be a 20 year killer) 😕. Maybe my first love was a person who came after, who still looks out for me and whom my Mom called her son-in-law back then, even though she hadn’t met him yet. Maybe it’s a dude I haven’t even met yet. I don’t know anymore. Honestly, my first love could be who I thought it was (cause I had some really great times and experiences and some really “are you serious?” whack ass times). I just have to deal with the fact that it wasn’t the fairytale I wanted it to be in my head (or what folks sing about), and some songs are just that - songs. What I do know is that what I had isn’t what’s in these songs you hear, or even what I hear about from friends and family who are happily in marriages and relationships. I mean, Gerald LeVert even had a song that said he wanted to find the kind of love he sang about in his songs. Such is life. Or at least, mine.

Beyond all that,  I go deeper and start to wonder if I’ve loved at all (but I know I have), or if anyone has ever really loved me (this one I’m not so sure about but I think I can safely say at least 1 or 2 have). I mean, I’ve had a lot of guys SAY they love me, but when it came down to the actions backing those words up, I think I would only believe about 10% of em – that’s sad. I truly believe when you love someone there are certain things you just won’t do (or say) because you care about that person and their feelings too much and have too much respect for them and your relationship, and there are some people who did them (or said them) – moving on *shrugs*.

These questions could all just be for naught and simply stem from residual feelings I have from the lack of true male love for the formative years of my life from the one person who was SUPPOSED to love me unconditionally and didn’t do what he was supposed to, my father. Those close to me know the history of that relationship and I’m not going to get all the way into that, but just know I didn’t recall hearing him actually say he loved me until I was in my 30’s. That was after we started working on repairing our, up to that point, peripheral relationship. Just know that I spent so much time with his younger brother when I was little that folks thought I was his child - reflect on that. I definitely appreciate my mother and my dad’s family for doing what they had to do when he was on his shenanigans. Things are much better now but scars fade, they don’t actually go away, that’s just my truth.

Yes, folks can decide to care about us or break our hearts. Yes, folks can be there when you need them or run when things get tough. Yes, folks can say one thing but do another. Ultimately, where I/we falter is when the expectation of love that we see for ourselves is not met and not discussed. Some folks don’t know how to love; some folks have shown they can’t love me how I need to be loved. Some folks have love with conditions. We all probably have our own view of what love looks like and we have to be comfortable enough with whomever we are dealing with to let them know what that is so there is no misconception or miscommunication. I’m sure you have heard of the 5 Love Languages, some of you, like me, may have taken the quick test to affirm/confirm what yours is. I knew going in what number 1 was going to be for me (and honestly 2 and 3 lol), just based on knowing myself and what makes me go. Plus, how I respond to certain scenarios. I knew that Quality Time was going to win hands down because some of my best moments have been just being with folks and experiencing things together, whether it was family, friends or a relationship.

There is a show on OWN called Black Love and if you have not seen season 1 or 2, PLEASE go and check it out. This show has gems dropped dang near every 5 minutes from real people in real relationships. Some you know (famously), some you don’t, but I believe in learning from those who already ARE where I’m trying to GET TO.

At the end of the day, I’ve come to the realization that my first love actually should’ve been ME. I have to love myself enough to help others love me best. I also have to love myself first and enough to walk away quicker when I see that someone is not loving me to the level that I deserve. We are oftentimes so scared to be alone or not wanting something to fail, that we will hold on to the little piece of love someone might show us, even if we know it’s not right, when there is someone else out there who would be willing to give us a whole, agape love. Your hands can’t accept a whole if you are still holding on to a piece. So, here’s to more of me loving me (and you loving you) because we're worth it.

Peace. 

Can’t F**k With The South

So I’m a Midwest ride or die girl. I still rep the state of Michigan and the home teams til the bitter end. I have lived in 8 cities and still – Detroit vs Everybody. HOWEVER, in my 38 years, 12.5 of those have been in the South (if you are curious, 23.5 in the Midwest (I worked in Cinci after college), 2 in the West). If you go back to my roots, my mom’s side of the family is from Alabama and my dad’s side of the family is from Mississippi so I guess it’s only natural that I got love for the south and feel comfortable (somewhat) down here. Add in the pretty good weather, decent cost of living, music that comes out of these states, closeness to the water (y’all know I love water) and culture and opportunity in places like my current home of Atlanta and I’m sold on staying below the Mason Dixon line 😏.

I’ve dabbled with the thought of taking my talents to places like Chicago, The DMV, Charlotte, even back home to the D, but for the most part I’ve always looked to stay in places like ATL, Houston, Dallas, even the M I A baby lol. I guess once your blood thins out it’s pretty much a wrap for wanting to deal with the foolishness that is snow and ice. I mean I love the fact that they will shut this place down the minute that white precipitation falls from the sky. I have no problems staying cozy in my humble abode when the snow starts to fall, especially when places like the northeast be out here getting 2 and 3 feet – nah, y’all can have that at this point.

I remember going on the Black College Tour back in High School and getting down to all the schools (they were all in the south) and coming to the realization that the weather was as beautiful as it was YEAR ROUND! I was like - SOLD! I ain’t gonna lie, it was definitely a key selling point in my decision to take my talents to the highest of 7 hills in Tallahassee at FAMU. Not THE selling point (the 5 yr MBA program in SBI was), but definitely a key one ;-). It was just something about the bands or DJ’s hitting those songs with that Miami Bass or Cash Money taking over for the ’99 and the 2000. Not to mention the rapping homies from the ATL.

It's funny, but I seem to keep coming across guys who are true southern boys and want NO parts of anywhere else, much less the north. I had one boo back in the day tell me he wouldn’t come visit me in Michigan cause it was an “icebox” 😧. Just recently as last week, another guy I’ve recently been getting to know told me he gave up his football scholarship after his freshman year to a Michigan school because it was too cold and the coach lied to him and told him it wouldn’t start snowing until after football season (facepalm) – I busted out laughing at the okey doke he got hit with for that one. But for real, I was like “seriously dude?”. I’m all for being comfortable with where you are and loving where you are from, but there definitely comes a time when a person has to be able to spread their wings and step out of their comfort zone. You can’t really grow if you never go outside of what you know or where you are planted. I was always an independent girl who handled my business but I did my most growing when I moved 5 states and 16 hours away from my mother to go to college at 18. I had to put on my big girl panties and continue to grow up and handle business without the safety net of Mama or anyone else being right there to help me or wake me up or make sure I was doing what I was supposed to do (not that she was expected to do that at that age anyway). When I have children, I will definitely make it point to make sure their world is expanded from the beginning, ain’t gonna be no, I’m over 18 and have never been on a plane, or out of the city or state, I’m team #HaveBabyWillTravel . I love that my friend’s babies have passports and some of them have as many stamps as I do. Listen, I truly believe that if you can spend $200 on a pair of shoes or an outfit, you can definitely spend $110 on a passport. It’s about priorities and expanding your mind and broadening your horizons. Get out there and go!

Now while I love living in the south and don’t see that changing anytime soon (unless I decide to move out of the country), don’t be fooled by the title, my heart stays in the Midwest. I’ll leave you with the words of my fellow Midwestern brotha Nelly, from his collabo “Tryna Get A Number” with another Midwestern brotha who shall not be named cause he got issues but is the King of R&B.

                “And I don’t give a f*ck who else in town,

                Midwest come through shut this b*tch down”   

Word.🙌

Y’all know a sista be on the move so if between now and November you are in Houston (twice), Chicago, Cartagena Colombia, Memphis, New York, Tallahassee, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, Seattle or New Orleans and you see me in the streets, Holla at ya girl.

Enjoy these songs that take you on a journey through some of the spots I’ve lived – cause I’m extra like that 😉.

Peace. 

The Best Man

I know y’all remember the movie the Best Man, this was another classic movie from the 90’s (that I hope all of y’all saw) that had another banging ensemble cast, a pretty live soundtrack and some laughs, some tears and a hell of a story line. One of the key messages in the movie of course was the bond and test of brotherhood. In case you couldn’t tell (and just about everybody on my list serve should know me personally but I do have some other followers of the blog so I’m covering all the bases here 😊), I’m a female so me and my curves definitely don’t fall in the realm of brotherhood but I understand the premise.

A few weeks ago for International Women’s Day, I did a post celebrating the fantastic women in my life that help me be a better person every day. With all that’s going on, especially with the constant attacks that our Black men continue to face each day just by being Black and walking down the street, I wanted to celebrate the men in my life who keep me grounded and make me be better just by being who they are and purely by existing. Sometimes it’s not about who will spend the money, or who will provide the most limelight for you. It’s about who will be there for you when times get tough, who will hold you down when you are at a breaking point, who will tell you the truth when you don’t want to hear it and who will break the man code in order to protect you. I’m one of the lucky girls who can exist in the space of having healthy female AND male relationships (platonic). This helps keep me balanced and (when I listen – which I clearly haven’t been doing), on the right track from a romantic standpoint. Once again, I can’t name every single person cause this thing could go on for pages, but that doesn’t mean I love folks any less. With that being said, shout out to the Best MEN (that I’m proud to say I’m still connected to).

My Hometown BFF’s like Derrick B and Kendall T – yo, me and DB been down since we were a week from turning 11 (we are 9 days apart). That’s 27 years. I’ve known him longer than some of my close girl friends. I call his mom Momma 2; she calls me daughter. I call him and KT Brother and love them as such, we all used to support each other at our various sporting events even though we went to different schools (it was a bit harder for them since that played at the same time whereas girls basketball was a different season than boys back then). They might pop up at a track meet though to cheer your girl on and I definitely made a couple trips in College to see DB when he was holding down the court at Central Michigan and Auburn, because that’s who we were. I was so excited when KT also decided to go to FAMU and we stepped on campus together (along with Liz) in the fall of ’98. He ended up leaving to pursue and excel at his music producing dreams, but no matter how far apart we all go, or how long we all go without talking, we are all there for the important moments and when we need each other or when we do get together or talk, it’s like no time passed at all.

My all around the country, city living fellas like Roge`r N, Justin K, Sean L, Mark H – I’ve lived in 8 cities in my life and have been blessed to meet some really cool people in each. It didn’t matter if I was on internship or working full time there have been guys who have been there in just about every situation to make life easier. Sometimes it was a laugh, football smack talk, an ear to listen and advice to give after church, or offering to take over the grill at one of my many gatherings in Cincinnati like Roge’r. Perhaps it was standing alongside me as we spoke to high schoolers about the benefits of attending an HBCU through Urban League or having fun being the agent for a day for his multifaceted, ever-evolving self at the HBCU Walk or chopping it up at my Drinks & Dialogue in LA with Justin. It could be the Detroit Love that comes with my Football husband and professional comedian here in ATL, Sean, between the games we used to watch together and the shows I would support. Finally, you got another Detroit Homie that’s been in Cinci and ATL who will look out no matter where he is, compliment you, encourage you and provide that big brother advice even on the west coast when you are in town visiting like Mark.

My Work Brother Kacy T- in the absence of my 4 real brothers, I can always look forward to being harassed every day at work lol. But for real, KThom looks out for your girl, listens, talks me off a ledge when I need it and provides some real deal advice. Whether it’s relationship advice, life advice or just a laugh I can count on him to help my day go by faster and get me to smile. He helps me to look inside myself and what I want, and helps me to see things from a male perspective. He, like some other fellas in my life, have been spot on when it came to some past dudes – I should’ve listened sooner, that’s my bad 😞.

My Tight Dog FAMU Homie’s like Marlon W, Ed L, Chris B, Salem T, Dante` F – Man, what can I say about these guys. Since I met them at various times at FAMU they have each been rocking with me in one way or another. I got Detroit Love with Marlon and Ed, ATL Riders with Chris and Salem and the Tallahassee Love of Dante`. They make me laugh, have provided a shoulder at one point or another, make me smile all the time, looked out for me in one way or another, offered advice, helped me find a job, offered up their home, taken me out, been the consummate gentlemen. Whether it was traveling out of the country together or around the city, I know they have my back. I can hang with them at dinner or at a game, we can kick it at the house or some professional event, they are smart and versatile guys who believe in family and being there for those they care about and I’m glad to be a part of that number.

Speaking of FAMU, once again the Hill churns out some heavy hitters and some overall good guys and I’m blessed to be connected to a few like Dhane S, Kamau M, James F, Marcus B and others- you know how good it feels to turn on the T.V. or see a news article and be able to say “hey, that’s xxx!”, I do😀.  It’s great. Imagine seeing a Savoy article about a rising global Ad executive and know the guy smiling back at you because he’s the Bruhz, sits upstairs in your office and teases you about FAMU days. Better yet, see one of your homies you did a Pfizer internship with and spent the weekend with the rest of the crew in his Manhattan apartment, sitting courtside because he’s coaching who becomes the winner of the U.S. Open, because he’s also the Bruhz and came in with you in SBI in the freshman class of ’98 (I keep telling y’all we outchea 😉).

My Ex turned Bestest like Arie F and Mario S – If there was an award for the best possible exes to have because you had an amicable breakup and actually had a discussion and remained good friends, continued to look out for each other and genuinely still cared about, had love for and wanted to see each other do well, these 2 dudes would win it. Now one did have some slightly shady stuff that led up to our breakup but he owned up to it and apologized and we’ve been closer since. Neither one did the ghost shit (cause that pisses me off like none other), neither hit the bait and switch (2^nd thing that pisses me off), it just didn’t work and that was ok. I appreciated the fact that we were adult enough to talk about it and keep it moving, that’s why they will always hold a special place in my heart I think. I love that these guys will still ride for me, check up on me, make time for me if I’m in their area (like will go out of their way to see me or talk to me), encourage me and call OTHER dudes on their bullshit to try and preempt any hurt that they may see coming my way. They make me feel good about myself and the best part in all of this is that they aren’t doing it for selfish reasons because they have since gotten married and/or in relationships of their own. Can’t get no better than that. I will admit Arie has tried to save me a couple times and I didn’t listen and ended up shooting myself in the foot (dammit man).

Finally, the Fam like Colin A, Marlon F, Dru K, Travis H, Tay C, Branden T, My Dad, Rickey O,  My Uncles (All-a-dem). I got some of the best brothers and cousins on the planet. I know if I need to talk, they will keep it real and tell me what I need to know, skip the bro code among men. I also know if I sound the alarm, the folks is coming (and between the F and T squads and the extensions thereof, they coming deep). I got family that will set it out when you visit, or even when they run into you out of town. They will make me laugh, hold me down, be ready to ride on fools who may try me and even wipe my tears. They understand and support my dreams, and though no relationship is perfect they are still there and that is what matters.

I did all of this to say that if no one else tells you that you are loved, understood and appreciated Black Men, I will. Because you are needed and your lives matter, especially to me. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Peace. 

When We Had Wild Thoughts

Editors Note: This is a continuation from a previous post - You Rocked The Boat Last Night. It's suggested you read that one first 😀

HOWEVER----

One would think that a romantic like me only has one side. Truth is, like this 2-part post, there is always a flip side when it comes to me. I just choose to keep certain ones under wrap unless they have to be brought out (like Lil Flip/The Hulk when I’m mad), or are coaxed out (like my Alter Ego Shavon) – cause there are levels to this, everyone can’t get everything. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has another side to them that folks may not even know about (yeah, no one has seen Shavon or knows what she is capable of and have only seen glimpses of Lil Flip), but let’s just say I have a very vivid imagination and a lot of pent up energy. The boo/husband who finally gets Shavon to come out will probably love her but I digress lol.

I wanted to take a moment to talk about my boo Durrell Babbs. Oh, you don’t know who that is? That is that fine, smooth talking, beautiful smile wearing, sexy ass, body of a gladiator having, highly underrated singing brotha known as TANK. Now I’ve been rocking with this man since his very first album – Force of Nature (that dang song Slowly, whew) and he has put out some bangers and some beautiful ballads,  but this man done put out an ULTIMATE panty dropper that reaches me at a certain spot EVERY time it comes on. You know it – When We. Man, it’s something about putting all pretenses aside and just getting to the nitty gritty (with the expectation that you know what the hell you doing) that makes you stop and pause.

I have only run from 2 people in my life, 1 cause his mouth game is and always has been bananas, the other cause everything about him should be patented. Though this song wasn’t out yet, I finally had my “Last Night and “When We” experience with the same person in the same night at the age of 35. Yup, 35. 14 years after my first experience, sad but true.

The #1 Stunna all-time was a 44-year-old retired Army Master Sergeant with the body of a 22 year-old (damn that man had a body, cut, rippled, muscles EVERYWHERE, goodness). He had a voice that rumbled, could dress his butt off, smelled good, was clean cut, was PURE Alpha-Male and had THAT WORK!! Sheesh, I’m getting worked up just thinking about it. However, he didn’t live in Atlanta though I met him here – that provided some challenges (why, why, why???). I’m trying hard not to covet another person’s husband because he has since gotten married (God Bless her). Anyway, I think what made the experience so different and thus the best was the TOTALITY of the experience and not just the act itself (though that was by far AMAZING). From the conversation hours before, to the subtle smiles and flirts, to the touches and hugs, kisses and cuddles, deep whispered words in the ear and the way he took charge at the right moments (and since I am a consummate Alpha Female who has to be in charge all the time in my regular life, I totally dug the fact that I could relinquish control). It was his unselfishness, his stamina, his strength (you gotta love a person who can put you where they want you 😍), his manliness (this dude wasn’t no punk you hear me – probably the military in him), his passion and tenderness, it was just what it was and it was magic. Truthfully, I think I was trying to figure out how much it would cost to fly back and forth to Virginia weekly for regular sessions lol. Chile I was about to be a broke but satisfied sista 🙈, if he had’ve lived in Atlanta y’all might have been seeing some very different posts coming out –ha!!

Seriously though, whether it’s making love or climbing the walls, you want what you want and you want it done well. No one wants to feel like they are wasting their time just going through the motions. I shouldn’t have to lay there thinking to myself “ I could’ve had a V8” or “ I should’ve stayed home”. Folks want magical experiences and stuff they can think about for days, months, years, thus the reason why I have so many songs I can include on these posts ;-). Best wishes to you on your pleasure-seeking journey!

Peace. 

You Rocked The Boat Last Night…

First off, let me say that 2018 for me is about stepping out of my comfort zone, thus the haircut, trying new colors of lipstick, new work responsibilities, traveling to different places, agreeing to join a Board of Directors of a Non-Profit, etc. With that, this post is about to be very much transparent and out of my norm, but hey, hopefully you grown if you are reading this so let’s get to some grown folks talk 😉. I know you are used to me talking about love and all that jazz but today it’s about sex (ok, ok and making love, I can’t fully abandon my romantic gene), that’s right, what is the best sexual experience you have ever had and what made it so?

Back in 1996 there was a group called Az Yet that dropped a song called Last Night. Even though I was a naive, sexually inactive, 16 year old, that song stuck out to me because it gave me a view on what making love was supposed to be like once I had it. According to them, I was supposed to see the Sun, the Moon, the Mountains and the Rivers plus Heaven when I made sweet love to a guy. I mean these dudes said they almost cried cause it was so beautiful. CRIED! I have spent my life, even up until this day, looking for that.

I haven’t been the most active in this area, didn’t even have my first experience until 21 (considered a very late bloomer to some), with a guy who was an ex but I trusted him the most and considered him my first love at the time. It wasn’t bad at all, he’s actually in the top 2 all-time, but I didn’t get the “Last Night” feeling so I felt let down.  I mean I know we weren’t technically together anymore, but we had a strong connection and I still loved him then, so if anybody should make me see the sun, moon, mountains and rivers it should’ve been him right?? The reality is, over a few years and a few different experiences I never got my “Last Night” so I shut everything down. I mean, what’s the point of even engaging if you aren’t getting what you’re looking for? So 11 .5 years of celibacy is where I decided to live. My friends thought I was crazy (and my willpower was tested by a few folks, let me tell you) but sometimes when you are looking for something, or expecting something, you don’t want to settle. Honestly, if could go back, I probably wouldn’t have stopped my celibacy streak when and for whom I did at that 11.5 year mark. Because once again, let down (and that relationship didn’t work out, double negative – smh).

I wrote a blog post in the past (To Hoe or Not to Hoe), and I can’t really understand how folks can just sleep with any and everybody but to each their own. I know myself, and I am not the type to be able to have sex without my heart and feelings getting involved, it’s just not in my makeup. You see for me, it’s not just about the act; it’s about the total experience. Some folks forget the word foreplay exists, don’t know how to do foreplay, are selfish, or are stingy. Some folks don’t have the stamina to do anything so shouldn’t. Some folks don’t believe in the follow through afterword’s. There are many things that go into “Last Night”. Honestly, most of my experiences have been pretty lukewarm so it wasn’t that hard to stop doing it *shrug*. I’ve actually decided to go back to the celibacy route again as the disappointment has returned (le sigh).  So the search for “Last Night” continued…


To be continued in part 2-  WHEN WE HAD WILD THOUGHTS

Where My Girls At?

So, it’s International Women’s Day!

If you haven’t taken the time to recognize some of the badass women in your life today, do so now 😊.

As this day was coming up and people in my personal circle as well as my company were acknowledging it and coming up with ways to celebrate it, I thought to myself, what better day than today to shout out some of the best women I know in my circle and celebrate them!

I don’t know how many of you have seen Black Panther (I’m hoping and praying all of you have – heck, I saw it twice, I’m a sucker for Black Power and fine Black men lol), but seeing Okoye be such a powerful General leading an all-female Army gave me such a rush and feeling of empowerment! By natural stature, I am not a diminutive woman. I stand 5’8” barefoot and like to wear heels plus I possess a melanin drenched fairly solid and (fairly) muscular build so on any given day I could be anywhere between 5’8” and 6’ and command a presence or at least a glance when I walk into a room. After Black Panther, I walked a bit straighter; my gait was a bit stronger, my gaze a bit fiercer and my talk a bit more direct. I believe I did this because if Okoye could lead an Army of women into battle against men and stop a charging Rhino in its tracks, then surely I could handle my clients, the folks at my company or the people in my personal life!

With that said, I want to call attention to the other Okoye’s in my life, those women who may not lead armies but definitely lead the charge in other aspects of their life and make an impact in mine. Now, I could write for like 15 pages naming folks by name so some will be groups and some will actually be specific. That doesn’t mean I love people any less if their names aren’t called out, I’m just being respectful of the time you are actually taking to read this because you are each Kings and Queens with things to do and kingdoms to build.

My Mom, Carol (and others who have stepped in as 2^nd Moms in my life) - a woman who has sacrificed when she needed to as a single parent (even when she didn’t think I noticed). A woman who persevered to continuously gain experience and education even when others may have said it was too late or scoffed at what she was trying to do. The woman who kept telling me my Black was beautiful when everyone else was trying to tell me it wasn’t. The woman who encouraged my intelligence, silliness, athleticism, creativity and anything in the world I wanted to do.

My Hometown BFF’s Yolanda and Liz – these girls have been rocking with me for over 25 years, when something is going on with me, good or bad, these are the 2 who get called first (or who may actually call me cause they can feel it). They are mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, CRNA’s, business women, athletes, warriors, sounding boards, therapists, cooks, drivers, travel agents, finance professionals, you name it. We will go toe to toe with someone for each other but love each other enough to tell each other when we are out of order (in love). We’ve been in each other’s weddings (well not mine yet, but they will be 😉), there for each other’s major life events and they are more than just my friends, they are my sisters.

The Hometown Homies like TaMyka J, Dana K and Kisha M – while I may not see or talk to these girls as much as the other 2, these fabulous chicks have also been around for quite some time and have my back when I need them. They run the gamut of being badass in their field and when we get together, it’s almost as if we were never apart. They are cheerleaders and sounding boards; they encourage and will go toe to toe if needed.

The FAMU Homies and BFF’s like Melanie C, Marline J, Tiffany M, LaCosta M and Mackenzie P – What can I say about these ladies?? Whether its living together, trips together, laughing together, pledging together, crying together or just talking, I can depend on these ladies to be there for me, support me, encourage me and even tell me things I may not want to hear but need to hear (and I’ll do the same for them). They fight for justice, command respect, know how to hustle, handle business and families, are unselfish and giving and are always willing to go above and beyond for those they care about. They help me to be better and for that, they are invaluable.

Speaking of which, The Women of FAMU (and other HBCU’s)- man, every time I look up somebody from FAMU is doing something big and proudly enough it’s often times someone I know or am familiar with like Talitha A, Morgan B, Bria B, Samara R, Ayana P, Rashan A, Keisha L-B, Arian R and Kim P. It’s sooo humbling and refreshing to see sistas leading cities, movements, companies, groups, non-profits, fans and the like and empowering folks to step into the greatness they were born into. Women who are proud of the rainbow of melanin that we come in, women who are not afraid to speak in front of or to anyone, women who will defend and love the black man and still wear her own crown proudly. They proclaim their love for FAMU proudly and I’m not one to brag, but several of these bad sistas came in wrecking shop with me and the rest of the freshman class of ’98 (shrugs). #RattlerStrike

My Devastating Diva Sorors of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. (and the other 3 NPHC Sororities) like Lynadius J, Joell W, Camille W, Tina B, Katelyn J, Tosha E, Ligaya W, Gayle D, Aisha F, Kyndal B, Natalie J, Jovan M, Natalie W,  Keke B, Toni W, Kieva W, Karen Q-L (RIP) and Tashiana J – you CANNOT go back through history and start naming impacts that have been made in any field by a Black woman, and not run into someone that was the first or a first in a field who wasn’t a part of an organization in the NPHC. Each of the organizations were built on changing the communities and world for the better, and you had better believe we Deltas (the only group I can speak for), take that seriously. The sisters I named have specifically been there for me since my initiation in one way or another on all levels, from Line Sister to Big Sister, Spec to AP, Friend, Mentor, Advocate and Supporter. They will check me and have my back. They will make sure I’m on point and heading in the right direction. We will laugh and have fun and we’ll also handle business. The women in these organizations have their hands in every field, reach every level, demand change and justice, lift each other up, fix each other’s crowns and know that sisterhood is not about letters or colors- it starts with the heart.

Finally, the Fam like Ebony F, Asia F, Gloria J, Chandra A, Toya O, DeLisa W, Gwen F, Shelia T – they say you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family, luckily, I got some good family lottery picks 😊. Whether it was by blood or marriage, I have been blessed to be surrounded by some beautiful, intelligent, bold, bad to the bone women. They are Doctors, Nurses, Teachers, Managers, Social Workers, Business Owners and everything in between. They fill in the gap where there is one and embrace those that need it. They pull up others along the way and push those that want to fall to the back. They provide tough love or a big hug. They wipe tears and open homes, they show up and show out, they party and have fun; they buckle down and get things done. The women in my family inspire me to uphold the legacy of those who have come before me and set a standard for those who will follow in my footsteps.

In the words of my girl Okoye/Danai G – FORWARD! 

Baby I’m Ready

Let me just start out by saying that I miss the old school music that used to talk about love and feelings and not just about sex, drugs and money. I liked that the artists and writers weren’t afraid to be vulnerable and express how they really felt without feeling like they would be giving up some so called advantage or whatever the hell it is that folks think they need to be protecting nowadays. I mean there were some classics! So there is this old school LeVert song that I play at least 4 times in a row every time it comes up on any of my music devices – Baby I’m Ready.  Listen, if a dude doesn’t love me like what Gerald Levert is singing about, I don’t want it. Check it:  

Baby it's time, for me,

To give you all the love you need.

Baby I know, that you deserve the best,

And I can't keep treatin' you, like I did the rest. Sang!

Chorus: Baby I'm ready, to give you all of my love, (All of my love)

Girl I'm tired of playin' games,

So many girls I can't even name.

Baby I'm ready(Baby I'm ready), to give you all of my love,

Baby not just a little bit,

I wanna give you all of it.

Baby I know, that you need mornin', noon, and evenin' love,

And I just ain't been givin' you my time.

But girl I wanna give you, every little bit

Every little piece, every little part of me,

Show you my love, just can't be beat. Naw, baby.

Chorus

All my kisses belong to you,

Take my heart in your hand,

And do whatever you wanna do with it baby, hey hey.

My love, my love, my love, my love, my love (goes deeper than the eye can see)

I've made mistakes before, so won't you please forgive me.

Oh baby, oh my sweet little baby!

I'll give you anything, *Girl I'm tired of playin' games*,

Just ask me and I'll give it to you baby.

So won't you give me one more chance,

Give me one more chance, (baby not just a little bit)

We can have an everlasting romance.

Baby, baby, baby I'm ready.

To give you all of my love, all of my kisses.

Girl I'm tired of playin' games, I don't wanna play no more,

I don't wanna play no more.

Baby I'm ready, to give you every little piece, every little part of me, baby.

Baby not just a little bit, (not just a little bit),

I wanna give you all of it.

Yo!! This man said he’s ready to give ALL of his love, not just a piece or a little bit, but he wants to give her all of it. That’s key. He even went so far as to tell her to take his heart in her hands and do whatever she wanted to do with it. If that ain’t about the utmost trust and the business! Now I have had a lot of dudes call me baby, but ain’t none of the dudes given me this level of love and trust here. That’s what I want, a man who isn’t holding some of his love back for whatever reason. I’m an all or nothing type of chick so I don’t want a man who is holding back a part of his love for an ex, or cause his momma said so, or cause his homeboys or his cousins/brothers/frat brothers/etc may call him soft or weak or whipped, or cause he’s been hurt in the past or cause he’s got whatever issues/insecurities in what I got versus what he got, I want 100 % of what he has to give cause I’m willing to give the same in return.

 What exactly is it that makes us hold something back and not give those we say we care about 100% of us? Is it that that we are always anticipating the worst? Do we not feel like we are deserving enough to get someone’s all and therefore don’t give someone ours? Are we willing to hurt someone else first in order to make sure we aren’t the ones hurt? I think it takes a very strong person to make themselves vulnerable enough to put themselves out there for no matter what may come. Will we get hurt sometimes? Sure. I know I have. But honestly, without risk there is no reward. The payoff can be so much greater when we open ourselves up to the possibility of something better by just letting go and seeing what happens. Right now I’m speaking about love but this can happen in all aspects of our lives. I know when I started looking for new opportunities and ways to get out of my comfort zone and expand my skill set, I was able to get a job that started to feed my love for travel (hey the way to my heart is with a plane ticket or something romantic 😉). I mean right now I’m in the middle of a 5 week, 7 city work travel tour and writing from one of my swings to the West Coast (What’s up LA!!). The payoff is getting the see all my folks in cities I’ve either lived in or visited and having new or great experiences, plus getting my skymiles, hotel and car points up lol.

At the end of the day, we all need to think about whether we want to live in a safe little box that we THINK we can control, or be willing to say, hey, I’m ready to give my all and see what happens.

I’m ready. Are you?

Peace.

 

Not too much to ask for is it? ;-) 

Boomerang

Y’all remember that toy from Australia folks used to have back in the day (and if we want to get technical, it was also a weapon used by the indigenous people), it was curved and when you threw it out into the air it always came back to you? Come on you know it, say it with me…the BOOMERANG! I’ve clearly never delved into how that toy/device worked or what made it come back and why but I’m clearly fascinated by how this physical and literal item has such a metaphorical impact on our lives.

Most people who know me well know that one of my favorite movies is, what else – Boomerang (I love it when a plan comes together 😀). If you’ve never seen it (and if you are Black, I’m revoking your Black Card immediately) head to whatever it is you watch for movies and find it ASAP. it’s chock full of shenanigans, laughter, aha moments, love, friendship, arguably one of the best movie soundtracks ever and one of the livest all-star casts ever, but I digress. The main premise of the movie is about the whole what goes around, comes around, don’t do someone wrong cause you gonna want them back type of thing. It sucks you in and gets you involved and it’s great- though of course the mainstream audience hated on it. Some folks can’t take Eddie Murphy as the playboy seriously, but as for me, I know every scene and line in the ENTIRE movie (cause I seriously think I’ve seen that thing no less than 50 times, cut me some slack that movie came out in ’92 lol).

It’s amazing how life imitates art- toys, movies, songs, books, whatever. How many of you have been in a situation where you walked away or had someone else walk away (whether you understood why or not) and then you or THEY came back? I can raise my hand right there folks. I’m totally baffled by the number of guys who left and hit that U-turn. Now my BFF swears I be “doing something” to these dudes that be having them come back lol - but I don’t! Honestly, what really trips me out is that in all the times that these dudes hit the boomerang, I NEVER CHANGED. I was the exact same person I was when they left, or decided it wasn’t gonna work, or that they didn’t want what I wanted, or they got mad or in their feelings over some b.s. or (and this is most important) they didn’t communicate and it just fell apart from there (cause communication is key #2 for me boo). I wanted the same things as before, I acted the same way, I looked the same (or better ;-)), I handled business the same, I stayed sweet and friendly, I still know Jesus but cuss a little, I still get my money and pay my bills, still got a life and friends, still had the same personality, communication style and intelligence, I was still – Me (notice I never said I was perfect). Yet in still, I had someone who decided to tell me he loved me AFTER we stopped talking and he moved to another state, mind you, he used to live around the corner (wait, what?), someone else who took about 10 years to apologize and admit their part in our demise (but we are super cool and still talk to this day (he’s a great encourager for me) I’ve even looked out for him in some crazy situations), another dude who wanted to start talking about and sending all kinds of relationship stuff AFTER I decided to bounce because he was wasting my time and we clearly weren’t on the same page about where we were trying to go (slow blink), Another dude who got more than 1 opportunity, hurt me a lot and legit wanted another opportunity, nah playa I’ve learned my lesson (and everybody I know would have killed me cause they used to be on his team but after the 2^nd time was like hell naw).

Sad...

I'm officially done when I'm indifferent...

This is why I said communication is so important!! 

So, that calls to question, what did change? Did they change? Did their feelings change all of a sudden? Did they get to the other side of the grass and realize it wasn’t really greener but actually artificial turf? Did they realize that rash decisions led them down the wrong path? Did they let their emotions write a check their ass couldn’t cash? Were they just lonely? Did they actually “love” me at ANY point? I don’t know. I may never know, because none of these boomerang’s ever worked out. I’m not Halle Berry and none of those guys are Eddie Murphy. You see this life isn’t a movie with a guaranteed happy ending. Each day and experience is another piece of the script being written and you never know what’s coming in the next scene, but I do know I have learned to start ducking and dodging these boomerangs like the matrix (smirk). We’ll see how that goes.

Peace.

FOR SALE : S Booms Boomerangs $19.95 Each *Get yours today!!! *

·         The Lonesome Dove Boomerang – This one doesn’t know how to be alone so it will go to whomever is closest or will keep it from being by itself

·         The Glitters but ain’t Gold Boomerang – This one shines brightly and is all about the flash and razzle dazzle but really ain’t about shit, doesn’t do what it says it should do as a boomerang, flies then falls

·         The Wishy Washy Boomerang – This one will start out strong but may not make it back because it doesn’t know if it wants to fly or fall to the ground, very wobbly

·         The Rock Boomerang – This one is dependable and great at what it does and has been honed to go and come back but belongs to someone else so it is no longer on the market

·         The Mystery Boomerang – This one you can’t quite figure out, has the good qualities of the rock boomerang, but it does what it does, won’t do the same thing twice but will always come back

·         The NonBoom Boomerang – This one won’t fly cause it’s bent out of shape cause it’s always in its feelings – can be used as a conversation piece though

·         The Whodini Boomerang – This one starts off as an excellent looking device then disappears midflight in the blink of an eye, with no explanation never to be seen again. Makes you wonder why it was ever given to you or on the market in the first place