When We Had Wild Thoughts

Editors Note: This is a continuation from a previous post - You Rocked The Boat Last Night. It's suggested you read that one first 😀

HOWEVER----

One would think that a romantic like me only has one side. Truth is, like this 2-part post, there is always a flip side when it comes to me. I just choose to keep certain ones under wrap unless they have to be brought out (like Lil Flip/The Hulk when I’m mad), or are coaxed out (like my Alter Ego Shavon) – cause there are levels to this, everyone can’t get everything. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has another side to them that folks may not even know about (yeah, no one has seen Shavon or knows what she is capable of and have only seen glimpses of Lil Flip), but let’s just say I have a very vivid imagination and a lot of pent up energy. The boo/husband who finally gets Shavon to come out will probably love her but I digress lol.

I wanted to take a moment to talk about my boo Durrell Babbs. Oh, you don’t know who that is? That is that fine, smooth talking, beautiful smile wearing, sexy ass, body of a gladiator having, highly underrated singing brotha known as TANK. Now I’ve been rocking with this man since his very first album – Force of Nature (that dang song Slowly, whew) and he has put out some bangers and some beautiful ballads,  but this man done put out an ULTIMATE panty dropper that reaches me at a certain spot EVERY time it comes on. You know it – When We. Man, it’s something about putting all pretenses aside and just getting to the nitty gritty (with the expectation that you know what the hell you doing) that makes you stop and pause.

I have only run from 2 people in my life, 1 cause his mouth game is and always has been bananas, the other cause everything about him should be patented. Though this song wasn’t out yet, I finally had my “Last Night and “When We” experience with the same person in the same night at the age of 35. Yup, 35. 14 years after my first experience, sad but true.

The #1 Stunna all-time was a 44-year-old retired Army Master Sergeant with the body of a 22 year-old (damn that man had a body, cut, rippled, muscles EVERYWHERE, goodness). He had a voice that rumbled, could dress his butt off, smelled good, was clean cut, was PURE Alpha-Male and had THAT WORK!! Sheesh, I’m getting worked up just thinking about it. However, he didn’t live in Atlanta though I met him here – that provided some challenges (why, why, why???). I’m trying hard not to covet another person’s husband because he has since gotten married (God Bless her). Anyway, I think what made the experience so different and thus the best was the TOTALITY of the experience and not just the act itself (though that was by far AMAZING). From the conversation hours before, to the subtle smiles and flirts, to the touches and hugs, kisses and cuddles, deep whispered words in the ear and the way he took charge at the right moments (and since I am a consummate Alpha Female who has to be in charge all the time in my regular life, I totally dug the fact that I could relinquish control). It was his unselfishness, his stamina, his strength (you gotta love a person who can put you where they want you 😍), his manliness (this dude wasn’t no punk you hear me – probably the military in him), his passion and tenderness, it was just what it was and it was magic. Truthfully, I think I was trying to figure out how much it would cost to fly back and forth to Virginia weekly for regular sessions lol. Chile I was about to be a broke but satisfied sista 🙈, if he had’ve lived in Atlanta y’all might have been seeing some very different posts coming out –ha!!

Seriously though, whether it’s making love or climbing the walls, you want what you want and you want it done well. No one wants to feel like they are wasting their time just going through the motions. I shouldn’t have to lay there thinking to myself “ I could’ve had a V8” or “ I should’ve stayed home”. Folks want magical experiences and stuff they can think about for days, months, years, thus the reason why I have so many songs I can include on these posts ;-). Best wishes to you on your pleasure-seeking journey!

Peace. 

You Rocked The Boat Last Night…

First off, let me say that 2018 for me is about stepping out of my comfort zone, thus the haircut, trying new colors of lipstick, new work responsibilities, traveling to different places, agreeing to join a Board of Directors of a Non-Profit, etc. With that, this post is about to be very much transparent and out of my norm, but hey, hopefully you grown if you are reading this so let’s get to some grown folks talk 😉. I know you are used to me talking about love and all that jazz but today it’s about sex (ok, ok and making love, I can’t fully abandon my romantic gene), that’s right, what is the best sexual experience you have ever had and what made it so?

Back in 1996 there was a group called Az Yet that dropped a song called Last Night. Even though I was a naive, sexually inactive, 16 year old, that song stuck out to me because it gave me a view on what making love was supposed to be like once I had it. According to them, I was supposed to see the Sun, the Moon, the Mountains and the Rivers plus Heaven when I made sweet love to a guy. I mean these dudes said they almost cried cause it was so beautiful. CRIED! I have spent my life, even up until this day, looking for that.

I haven’t been the most active in this area, didn’t even have my first experience until 21 (considered a very late bloomer to some), with a guy who was an ex but I trusted him the most and considered him my first love at the time. It wasn’t bad at all, he’s actually in the top 2 all-time, but I didn’t get the “Last Night” feeling so I felt let down.  I mean I know we weren’t technically together anymore, but we had a strong connection and I still loved him then, so if anybody should make me see the sun, moon, mountains and rivers it should’ve been him right?? The reality is, over a few years and a few different experiences I never got my “Last Night” so I shut everything down. I mean, what’s the point of even engaging if you aren’t getting what you’re looking for? So 11 .5 years of celibacy is where I decided to live. My friends thought I was crazy (and my willpower was tested by a few folks, let me tell you) but sometimes when you are looking for something, or expecting something, you don’t want to settle. Honestly, if could go back, I probably wouldn’t have stopped my celibacy streak when and for whom I did at that 11.5 year mark. Because once again, let down (and that relationship didn’t work out, double negative – smh).

I wrote a blog post in the past (To Hoe or Not to Hoe), and I can’t really understand how folks can just sleep with any and everybody but to each their own. I know myself, and I am not the type to be able to have sex without my heart and feelings getting involved, it’s just not in my makeup. You see for me, it’s not just about the act; it’s about the total experience. Some folks forget the word foreplay exists, don’t know how to do foreplay, are selfish, or are stingy. Some folks don’t have the stamina to do anything so shouldn’t. Some folks don’t believe in the follow through afterword’s. There are many things that go into “Last Night”. Honestly, most of my experiences have been pretty lukewarm so it wasn’t that hard to stop doing it *shrug*. I’ve actually decided to go back to the celibacy route again as the disappointment has returned (le sigh).  So the search for “Last Night” continued…


To be continued in part 2-  WHEN WE HAD WILD THOUGHTS

Where My Girls At?

So, it’s International Women’s Day!

If you haven’t taken the time to recognize some of the badass women in your life today, do so now 😊.

As this day was coming up and people in my personal circle as well as my company were acknowledging it and coming up with ways to celebrate it, I thought to myself, what better day than today to shout out some of the best women I know in my circle and celebrate them!

I don’t know how many of you have seen Black Panther (I’m hoping and praying all of you have – heck, I saw it twice, I’m a sucker for Black Power and fine Black men lol), but seeing Okoye be such a powerful General leading an all-female Army gave me such a rush and feeling of empowerment! By natural stature, I am not a diminutive woman. I stand 5’8” barefoot and like to wear heels plus I possess a melanin drenched fairly solid and (fairly) muscular build so on any given day I could be anywhere between 5’8” and 6’ and command a presence or at least a glance when I walk into a room. After Black Panther, I walked a bit straighter; my gait was a bit stronger, my gaze a bit fiercer and my talk a bit more direct. I believe I did this because if Okoye could lead an Army of women into battle against men and stop a charging Rhino in its tracks, then surely I could handle my clients, the folks at my company or the people in my personal life!

With that said, I want to call attention to the other Okoye’s in my life, those women who may not lead armies but definitely lead the charge in other aspects of their life and make an impact in mine. Now, I could write for like 15 pages naming folks by name so some will be groups and some will actually be specific. That doesn’t mean I love people any less if their names aren’t called out, I’m just being respectful of the time you are actually taking to read this because you are each Kings and Queens with things to do and kingdoms to build.

My Mom, Carol (and others who have stepped in as 2^nd Moms in my life) - a woman who has sacrificed when she needed to as a single parent (even when she didn’t think I noticed). A woman who persevered to continuously gain experience and education even when others may have said it was too late or scoffed at what she was trying to do. The woman who kept telling me my Black was beautiful when everyone else was trying to tell me it wasn’t. The woman who encouraged my intelligence, silliness, athleticism, creativity and anything in the world I wanted to do.

My Hometown BFF’s Yolanda and Liz – these girls have been rocking with me for over 25 years, when something is going on with me, good or bad, these are the 2 who get called first (or who may actually call me cause they can feel it). They are mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, CRNA’s, business women, athletes, warriors, sounding boards, therapists, cooks, drivers, travel agents, finance professionals, you name it. We will go toe to toe with someone for each other but love each other enough to tell each other when we are out of order (in love). We’ve been in each other’s weddings (well not mine yet, but they will be 😉), there for each other’s major life events and they are more than just my friends, they are my sisters.

The Hometown Homies like TaMyka J, Dana K and Kisha M – while I may not see or talk to these girls as much as the other 2, these fabulous chicks have also been around for quite some time and have my back when I need them. They run the gamut of being badass in their field and when we get together, it’s almost as if we were never apart. They are cheerleaders and sounding boards; they encourage and will go toe to toe if needed.

The FAMU Homies and BFF’s like Melanie C, Marline J, Tiffany M, LaCosta M and Mackenzie P – What can I say about these ladies?? Whether its living together, trips together, laughing together, pledging together, crying together or just talking, I can depend on these ladies to be there for me, support me, encourage me and even tell me things I may not want to hear but need to hear (and I’ll do the same for them). They fight for justice, command respect, know how to hustle, handle business and families, are unselfish and giving and are always willing to go above and beyond for those they care about. They help me to be better and for that, they are invaluable.

Speaking of which, The Women of FAMU (and other HBCU’s)- man, every time I look up somebody from FAMU is doing something big and proudly enough it’s often times someone I know or am familiar with like Talitha A, Morgan B, Bria B, Samara R, Ayana P, Rashan A, Keisha L-B, Arian R and Kim P. It’s sooo humbling and refreshing to see sistas leading cities, movements, companies, groups, non-profits, fans and the like and empowering folks to step into the greatness they were born into. Women who are proud of the rainbow of melanin that we come in, women who are not afraid to speak in front of or to anyone, women who will defend and love the black man and still wear her own crown proudly. They proclaim their love for FAMU proudly and I’m not one to brag, but several of these bad sistas came in wrecking shop with me and the rest of the freshman class of ’98 (shrugs). #RattlerStrike

My Devastating Diva Sorors of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. (and the other 3 NPHC Sororities) like Lynadius J, Joell W, Camille W, Tina B, Katelyn J, Tosha E, Ligaya W, Gayle D, Aisha F, Kyndal B, Natalie J, Jovan M, Natalie W,  Keke B, Toni W, Kieva W, Karen Q-L (RIP) and Tashiana J – you CANNOT go back through history and start naming impacts that have been made in any field by a Black woman, and not run into someone that was the first or a first in a field who wasn’t a part of an organization in the NPHC. Each of the organizations were built on changing the communities and world for the better, and you had better believe we Deltas (the only group I can speak for), take that seriously. The sisters I named have specifically been there for me since my initiation in one way or another on all levels, from Line Sister to Big Sister, Spec to AP, Friend, Mentor, Advocate and Supporter. They will check me and have my back. They will make sure I’m on point and heading in the right direction. We will laugh and have fun and we’ll also handle business. The women in these organizations have their hands in every field, reach every level, demand change and justice, lift each other up, fix each other’s crowns and know that sisterhood is not about letters or colors- it starts with the heart.

Finally, the Fam like Ebony F, Asia F, Gloria J, Chandra A, Toya O, DeLisa W, Gwen F, Shelia T – they say you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family, luckily, I got some good family lottery picks 😊. Whether it was by blood or marriage, I have been blessed to be surrounded by some beautiful, intelligent, bold, bad to the bone women. They are Doctors, Nurses, Teachers, Managers, Social Workers, Business Owners and everything in between. They fill in the gap where there is one and embrace those that need it. They pull up others along the way and push those that want to fall to the back. They provide tough love or a big hug. They wipe tears and open homes, they show up and show out, they party and have fun; they buckle down and get things done. The women in my family inspire me to uphold the legacy of those who have come before me and set a standard for those who will follow in my footsteps.

In the words of my girl Okoye/Danai G – FORWARD!