Call My Name...

 

Aisha. Felder.

I started a new job on Monday at a company that I have been trying to get in for YEARS. You know the reason that I’m starting? Because Aisha said my name in a room/conversation that I was not in. Your network is definitely your net worth and NEVER let anyone tell you that the bonds built and life-long networking of a sorority are not important or effective. That’s how I met her, she is one of my sorority Big Sisters and I developed a strong enough relationship with her over the years that she still looks out for me (in life period if I’m being honest). You have no idea how much it means to me to have people in my life that not only look out for me in terms of my career needs, but actually are discerning in the types of positions they suggest and put me up for. Aisha didn’t send me a job to work at the local McDonalds, she made sure when she made suggestions or gave my name to someone, it was a job that was in line with my past experience and SALARY (that she never actually knew). She already has a job, but that didn’t make her stay quiet about my needs. She didn’t find out about the position and decide not to say anything or not tell me about it. She made a conscious effort to help and that is more valuable than anyone can ever know. There are some folks I’ve known for longer who didn’t or wouldn’t do that-smh.

The meme at the top of this blog is so true. We as a people need to be willing to go back to being a collective and stop thinking that helping someone else is in some way going to have a negative impact on us. There is always room for everyone to eat at the table. There are many people who have talents and skills that may be similar to ours and if we are already “on”, what’s the harm in putting someone else on too? I’m not saying everyone is qualified for everything, but sometimes you gotta have a conversation and see where people are and where they are trying to go – you can’t always make an assumption on if someone can handle what could possibly be a life changing opportunity. I have 2 current Real Estate clients because someone referred them to me – meaning, once again, *ding* they brought my name up in a conversation I wasn’t in. In all of these instances, the person bringing my name up is not necessarily getting anything for helping me (except for the good feeling inside), because that is not what is driving them to do it.  

For those who may not know, I was laid off in early 2019. I took some time not long after, to get licensed in Real Estate (which was always supposed to be 2^nd stream of income). I was asked to come back to my old company as a contractor in late 2019, then they ended that contract early in Jan 2020 because the workload went down. Then 2020, 2020’d ☹. That pandemic hit and everything was sent into a tailspin. Imagine already looking for a new job and then having something happen that all of a sudden, made a whole heck of a lot of other people also start looking at the same jobs you were. I was so discouraged and depressed from a professional and financial standpoint (and for other reasons but that is not what this blog is about 😊). Let me tell y’all something about the goodness of God and how he will show up from the most unexpected places. I keep a lot of stuff close to the vest and admittedly wear a “I’m cool mask” most of the time, even if I’m crying every day. I had people close to me who knew about my situation and sent me money (without my asking), I had folks who I didn’t even expect to do anything or even know about what was going on, send me money. I was able to get unemployment for an extended amount of time and more than usual because of COVID that was JUST ENOUGH to cover my bills. Oh, and the real kicker is, I got laid off 1 MONTH after buying my home. Yup, you read that right. 1 month and I was jobless, having to maintain a blessing I had wanted for YEARS. Because of COVID I was able to defer my student loans and get help with my mortgage so that I’m still in my house instead of on the streets. You can’t tell me there isn’t a God and that he doesn’t look out for me whether I deserve it or not. He may not come when you want him, but he’ll be there right on time. Dottie Peoples told us that.

Because of Aisha Felder, I started a job this past Monday. 5 weeks after my unemployment was exhausted and right before the help with my mortgage was ending. All because Aisha, called my name.

Thank you, Big Sis. I’m forever grateful.

Peace.

Love TKO

 

You know what’s worse than getting your feelings hurt? Not seeing it coming. Whether it is by a lover, a friend or a family member – the blindside hurt hits harder than seeing the ball coming for your face and at least getting the chance to duck. The sample of lyrics below and aptly, the name of this blog post, pretty much sums up where I am after a recent experience and it’s a sad realization.

Love TKO – Teddy Pendergrass

Lookin' back over my years
I guess, I've shedded some tears
Told myself time and time again
This time I'm gonna win

But another fight, things ain't right
I'm losin' again
Takes a fool to lose twice
And start all over again

Think I'd better let it go
Looks like another love T.K.O. (Oh, oh, oh)
Think I'd better let it go
What you think about it, girl (Let it go, baby, oh yeah)
Looks like another love T.K.O. (Mmm, mmm, mmm)

Many of you know I am the consummate romantic, I mean I love LOVE and the idea of love. Perhaps that is my biggest problem, and one I am intent on correcting. What do I mean by that? Well, I’m thinking that the love I seek and at this point, even the idea, is fleeting. With that revelation, it means my problem is that I believe in something that doesn’t exist, at least not for me. If I reflect enough and face some hard truths, it’s partially my fault for getting my feelings hurt because I keep going into situations at 100% and expecting the outcome to be different and in my favor. Can you imagine having to deal with the reality that no matter what you do, how dope you are, what you bring, how much you care, how pretty you are, how authentic your feelings and interactions, IT STILL WON’T BE ENOUGH (you can also reference my previous blog “You’re NotMy Kind Of Girl”)? There is the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. My insanity is clearly set on my believing my expectations are reasonable and therefore will be met. I expect that people will give 100% the same as me, I expect that love has a possibility of happening, I expect that my clear communication of what I’m looking for will be believed and when it is agreed to, wouldn’t change, I expect that what I  bring to the table on all levels will be enough for a man to want to be with me and only me, I expect that another person wouldn’t even get the opportunity to take my place because they won’t be given the chance to, I expect that each time it will be “the one”. There seems to be something that I’m doing to keep attracting the same TYPE of men, and I haven’t quite figured out what that is, and that is frustrating as hell. I’m thinking it’s time to accept the reality that maybe the LOVE I keep seeking just isn’t in the cards for me. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but I’m not sure if I have it in me to keep getting the same outcome and my feelings crushed. One can only take so many punches before they fall down and eventually stay there. I may seem hardcore to some on the outside, but I’m soft as melted chocolate inside. Like Carl Thomas, I’m emotional (my music lovers will get that 😉).

One might say, Stace, isn’t it easier just to go into a situation and not give 100%? Give maybe 50% and have no expectations?  Maybe, but to that I say, would you get on a plane thinking it only had 50% chance to land and not expecting that the pilot knew what he was doing? Probably not, so what would be the point of the flight? Honestly, while this seems a bit drastic or maybe even an oversimplification, it’s not in my nature to not give everything I do 100%. I’d probably mess things up even worse trying to be something I’m not and still end up in the same place. Here, writing to relieve the pressure of my feelings and hoping that the next day they will eventually go away.

So, with no one to run to, I’m thinking it’s time to do like Teddy P says, and let it go. Cause I’m knocked to the floor with another Love TKO.

Peace.