The Truth Shall Set You Free...

“Don’t Take My Kindness For Weakness”, “The Truth Shall Set You Free”, “There Is Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself”, “Don’t Push Me, Cause I’m Close To The Edge”, “Hindsight is 20/20”, true these are all popular quotes, but they also lately have become a soundtrack to my life. As I have looked back over my adult and actually even my teen years, I have noticed that I, being the lover and not fighter that I am, have let a lot of things go that really hurt me or pissed me off-or held on to the anger or hurt inside. That’s not a good thing. It can be very tiresome to have to day after day put on the mask of calm, composure and serenity when inside you feel anything but. Sooner or later if you continue to do that, the mask slips and some itty bitty little thing will tip the scale and cause you to blow..and for a girl who is slow to temper but a monster once it’s loose, that can be very, very dangerous. I’m not saying I’m the violent type ready with a .45 at my hip about to go Set If Off on fools (but I can scrap if I need to, however, I try not to let it get to that point), but like any other thing that has built up pressure behind the lid (think the BP gas leak in the gulf), once the cap is blown- it can be hell trying to put the top back on and stop the spill. So I have resolved that in 2012 I will stop that. I will stop allowing others feelings to take precedence over my own, if you treat me wrong you will know, if you say something out the way, you will know it. If you don’t treat me with the proper respect that I deserve you will just be cut out the circle. I think everyone should do things this way. This leads to more dialogue (in case something was misconstrued) and less wasting time on people who don’t truly have YOUR best interest at heart, even if you have THEIR best interest at heart. I can’t stand wishy-washy people, we are either cool or we’re not. Pick a side and stay with it, especially if I haven’t done anything to you. What good does it do you to constantly hang around someone who you are harboring ill feelings toward? I recently had to get something off my chest to an ex and his response? NOTHING. Why? Probably because he knew I was right. The problem in this situation is that I had held on to those feelings of hurt and anger for 11 years...11! That’s crazy. I blame myself, because while I had let him know how I felt about our situation right after it happened I don’t think he took my feelings seriously. I still don’t think he did this time but now I know that if he didn’t it may be time to let it go-and I mean everything, our so called “friendship” and all. Anyone who doesn’t even acknowledge how you feel doesn’t actually deserve any feelings. I was having a conversation with a male friend this past weekend and he said that each decade you mature to another level. I had a period of enlightenment with that statement because looking back to my early 20’s (20 to be exact) I think and look at things a lot differently now then I did then, so the way I see a situation now-totally different. The way I react, equally different. My ability to put up with unnecessary BS-diminishing by the minute. I would have to say that this is true for most people. As we get older we are supposed to get wiser and I would hope that with wisdom we also gain understanding. I think I am starting to understand myself better, how I react to people, what I’m looking for in life, what I expect from other people. It’s okay to look out for number 1 sometimes. What do you need to understand about yourself and your life?? Now might be the time to think about it and do something about it.


If you don’t mind, I would like to take a moment to just get some things out if for no other reason than to start with a clean mental and emotional slate and free myself so to speak so here goes:

• To the people who tried to take my kindness for a weakness whether mentally, emotionally or financially-you are ridiculous and need to get yourself together. I see through your game and trust me, it will never happen again.

• To the people who tried to make a major accomplishment in my life about them and didn’t want to celebrate with me because of some preconceived notion-that was selfish and hurtful.

• To the parent who was too selfish to be there for me when they were only about 45 minutes away but the rest of your family was there-that was irresponsible and hurtful and it’s kind of hard for me to just sweep all those years under the rug now after all the hard work has been done.

• To the people who I thought had my back and didn’t, I see you and now I know.

• To those who swear their life is so busy that they can’t even acknowledge or return correspondence (i.e. phone calls, texts, emails) but want you to jump when they need you-respect garners respect. Oh, and by the way, that dismissal is hurtful as well.

• To anyone I have ever expressed my thoughts and feelings with about something that happened and you didn’t feel the need to acknowledge and respond...it’s pretty much a wrap.

• To the people who have lied to me about a situation for their own benefit and I found out about it, I pray that you get your life right and don’t get hit by this little thing called KARMA.